The only TRUE motivation

*****JESUS*****

Saying Good-bye is never easy

As I write this, my thoughts wonder to our beloved friend who we will greatly miss named Keani. Keani was our family kitty whom I have had for over 9 years. She passed away early on Sunday, July 5, 2009. She was gone before we woke. It has taken all this time for me to be in a place of peace to be able to write this.

Keani – Binky was born on March 21, 2000 to a kitty who couldn’t take care of her. She was taken in by Operation Kindness and cared for by a wonderful lady named Kit. Keani came into my life one day in October 2000 at the Petsmart store when she was just 7 months old. You see, I had another kitty friend named Cuddles who had passed away earlier that year on July 12th that looked just like her. They were both tortoise shell mainecoons. I had Cuddles for 18.5 years and life was not the same without a kitty.

As soon as I saw Keani, I was drawn to her instantly. I rushed right to her as she huddled into the corner of her cage from the nervousness of the public. You see, she has always been a bit shy. I spoke to Kit about her and Kit handed her to me. As soon as I wrapped her in my arms, she tucked her little kitten face into the crevasse of my arm to hid from those around. I could feel her body tremble and then turn to a purr when I pet her.

I knew I just had to have her in my life. So, I filled out all of the paperwork and went through the interview process… then home with me she came.

I remember it took about 2 weeks to get her to come out from under my bed. I would sit on top and wait. She would gradually peer out but if she saw anyone else, back under she would go. Eventually, I would find that she was a tagger. I would have to run and jump into bed so that she wouldn’t tag my ankle as I lifted my foot. She was a quick one!

Her favorite toys were straws and paper balls. She could have so much fun with those two things for hours. She also loved to hide my socks, lol. Eventually, I gave her some quilted type slippers that she loved to take around with her. She would carry them in her mouth as she walked through the house, crying as though the slipper was her baby. It was so sweet.

She just loved to nestle in the lining of the box springs under the bed. She would tear a small whole into it and climb up and sleep there for hours. She liked that it was like a hammock.

Keani also was like a momma kitty to our other kitties. She always watched at a distance when two kitties would be arguing. She would make sure that she knew who was at fault and then go give that one a piece of her mind which normally included a quick whipping to the forehead (but without her claws). It always happened so fast that the other one wouldn’t know what hit them until she was across the room. She kept the peace.

I always loved how when a storm was coming, her fur would get all frizzed up. She became a huge fluff-ball. It was adorable. Also, with her around… no insect, bird, etc. could make it past the entryway it came in from. She was quick!

I remember her blowing kisses from across the room and winking at me and Bradley when we would talk to her. When she was small, I use to tell her what a pretty girl she was and she would try to hide her face with her arm as though she got embarrassed.

Keani got very sick last September/October and we had to put her on a feeding tube. The doctors never did find out what was wrong with her. We fed her food, water, vitamins and minerals through her tube 2-3 times a day. While she was very weak, we would keep her in an enclosed playpen. Then she became strong enough to jump out. Eventually, thanks to God and Science Diet, she began to eat on her own. We were able to take her off the feeding tube and she gained most of her weight back. She was very active and social for months afterward.

The night before she passed, on the 4th of July, when we came home… there she was to greet us excitedly. She jumped up on the table and gave kisses. She seemed happy and healthy, so the next day when Bradley found her laying on the tile… he thought nothing of it. A couple hours later when he came downstairs again and she hadn’t moved… he went to check on her but she had already passed. She was laying in front of our fan, which was her favorite thing to do. She loved the fan.

We brushed her, took some last photos and wrapped her in a blanket inside a tub. I placed a teddy bear next to her and we sealed her up to be buried.

This all hit me very hard and I cried so much the first week that it made me sick. I have a good friend who lost her doggie not long ago and I sent her a poem I found online. Well, she sent it to me after loosing Keani and I would like to share it here.

I stood by your bed last night… I came to have a peep. I could see that
you’d been crying, And you found it hard to sleep

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, “It’s me. I haven’t
left you. I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”

I was close to you at breakfast… I watched you pour your tea. You were
thinking of the many times Your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at my grave today… You tend to it with such care. I want
to reassure you That I’m not lying there.

I walked you towards the house As you fumbled for the key. I gently put my
paw on you… I smiled and said, “its me.”

You looked so very tired As you sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let
you know That I was sitting there.

It’s wonderful for me to be So near you everyday, To say to you with
certainty, “I never went away.”

You sat there very quietly, Then smiled… I think you knew That in the
stillness of the evening I was very close to you.

And when the time is right for you To cross the brief divide, I’ll rush
across to meet you And we’ll stand there side by side.

I have so many things to show you! There’s so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, Then come home to be with me.

Author Unknown

It is hard to read this without crying. Anyway… I know in my heart that she is with Jesus and I will see her again someday. She knows that she was dearly loved.

Thank you for sharing in a small portion (9 yrs) of my life Keani. I miss you.

A Life in the balance

Now, as I write this… my long time friend’s mother is being taken off of life support. My emotions are running the gammot during this time, so I thought I would write about it.

My friend, lets call her “H”, and I have known each other for about 13 years. I spent so much time at her house and her at mine. I always loved when her mom, lets call her “M”, was around. M was always so nice, outgoing and positive. I remember M telling us about dreams she would have about God and heaven.

Sadly, the last time that I saw M was at my wedding. M and H both came to my wedding in 2003. I have seen H through the years but never got to see M. The past year hasn’t been the easiest for them. M was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to have one of her lungs removed and part of her other lung too. Later, they found more cancer in her remaining lung. Well, the cancer transgressed into one of her arteries which caused her to bleed into her lung. She called 911 on Monday when she began to cough up blood.

The hospital had to sedate her to put her on a respirator and she has been unconscious since then. The family prayed and decided to remove the respirator today around 4pm. I just received a text message from H around 5pm stating that M was breathing at the moment. So, as of this moment to my knowledge, M is still alive. H said that if M doesn’t make it, then the funeral would be on Thursday. We have been praying and requesting prayer from all of our connections. In the end, God’s will, will be done.

I just now received another text stating that M is breathing about 10 breaths per minute.

I have been racking my brain and praying to try and figure out what exactly to say to H when it is all said and done. I am just not sure. I know that God will give me the right words and / or actions when it is time. Loosing a parent is difficult but I cannot imagine loosing your mother when you are a female. There is a bond there, despite the growing pains that we all experience through the years, that cannot be matched. H is only 29.

One major blessing for H is that she has had this extra time with M to say and do the things they needed to between the first bout with cancer and now. M said that she was very grateful for this time as well. H’s husband just lost his mother about a year ago. They truly have had a rough couple of years.

Right now I am thinking about how M always loved doing the “fun” stuff us girls wanted to do. She was great like that. She was the head of her Red Hat Ladies club… it was just like her.

Well, please pray for peace for the family and the strength to get through this. They are all Christians, which is a strong comfort in its self. Thank you for reading this and for your prayers. If you would like to leave a comment for H or her family… I will pass them along.

Take time to share with those you love now, your love towards them.

***************

PRAISE JESUS!!! She woke up and is breathing on her own. She said that she saw Jesus and that she is going to live!!! Please keep praying!!!

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A Broken Toe

Yesterday, while I was cleaning our formal dinning table… I had to walk between the table and our china hutch. Well, the space between the two is a little tight and I ended up ramming my right pinky toe into the corner of the china hutch.

This then caused my toe to move outward and began to hurt quite badly. As it swelled, I felt the side of it and realized that it was broken.

Immediately, Bradley helped me to secure an ice pack to my toe with an ace bandage. As you can see, it was quite the site.

We tried to search online for what I could take that night to reduce the swelling and help me to sleep. We ended up calling a Pharmacist to ask them if it would be ok for me to take Ibuprofen for the swelling and Unisom to help me sleep. The Pharmacist said that it would be alright… so I did.

Well, the Ibuprofen did help with the swelling of my toe and the Unisom helped with my sleep, however… the Unisom made my face puffy the next day. So, I had an unswollen foot with a swollen face, lol… go figure!

This evening, one of our good friends (Billy) is coming over and I am a bit bummed because I won’t even be able to get up to greet him. Bradley has created a set up for me on the couch. I have access to the internet and the television. Right about now, I am grateful for our couch because the seats all recline. What a blessing!

Today, the part of my foot that hurts the most is the ball area where the pinky toe is. If I put any pressure on that part, I get a sharp pain. Of course, this only really happens when I am coming down stairs and luckily that is not often.

I am trying to stay off of it as much as possible and keep it elevated on a pillow. The lack of circulation, however, has made my foot go cold. I have heard from some friends elsewhere that when they broke one of their toes, it took about a year to completely heal… YIKES! I am praying for a QUICK recovery!

The ironic thing is that the night before this happened… I was talking to Bradley and saying how I needed to rest for a day or so because we have been going, going, going. Well, I suppose I got my wish, urgh!

Anyway, I am going to try and enjoy the rest, the best possible. I am receiving a lot of prayers and I am so grateful for that. I appreciate you checking in on my posts and sharing your thoughts. I hope that your days are blessed and your nights are restful.

Conviction

During the last week or so, I have been struggling a bit regarding my time here… not here on this site, I mean here on this planet. See, recently my husband and I have been given an opportunity to work together in a new business. This couldn’t come at a better time, however, it has taken up much of our time.

I have been struggling over this because I see how our time here is so short. So many things are happening around the world that have been prophesied about throughout the Bible. Well, the other day I was searching through Youtube and as many of you know… you may begin searching for one thing and end up watching all sorts of videos that do not even have anything to do with what you originally searched for. Its like a brain that goes off on a tangent. LOL!

So, anyway… back to my point 😉

Somehow I ended up on videos that were about people who have died and came back. These individuals were converted to Christianity because of this. These videos drew me in and intrigued me greatly because they described heaven and hell. Well, I found it interesting in some due to their descriptions. Now, I do not know for sure if all of their stories are accurate… but I listened.

I began to notice how many of them were talking about seeing “Christians” in hell due to unforgiveness and falling back to the world’s activities, etc. To give you a little history, I had recently written a post on my site regarding whether or not those who practice homosexuality will go in the rapture of the church. This post was brought on by a study that Jack Kelley wrote.

After I wrote my article, I received a comment that brought up the question of “Once Saved, Always Saved”. Well, I responded that this was a topic that has been debated throughout the church for a long time and there are many reasons why both sides take up their case for or against this idea. I shared that I would try and write an article covering why some believe this to be in error.

I had a few epiphanies during this study and then I came across the video I have included on this page (site). The video is a 58 minute sermon that is completely accurate and extremely convicting. After watching this video, it just made me want to sit in silence and contemplate… then pray.

See, I remember a time when I had that much conviction and zeal. Over the years I have been worn down by life and my faith has been tested to the max… and I am sure it will continue to be. I have been missing who I once was in Christ and I am sure that He has been missing me. Sure, I wrote articles to share the truth with any who will listen and I always stand my ground when put in a situation to defend my faith… but true conviction and zeal… its been awhile.

This video has cut through all of the glory gumption and gotten right to the heart of the matter, which is exactly where we all need to be in these last days. I am not willing to take the chance that the comfortable laziness I have partaken of in my relationship with Christ might cause me to miss Him all together. So, I challenge you, as I will endeavor to do myself, to reawaken the strongest desires you have had for the Lord and gain the boldness of the warriors we were called to be in the house of the Lord. Time is so short and we may never get a second chance!

If you do not know where to look for the video, I am including it here. I highly encourage you to watch it without distraction… be convicted whole heatedly and make a life altering change for Christ. Please share this video with any you may feel should see it… I am sure there are more who need to see this than you may realize.

Infant Blues

I have had a hard time today and lately at different times. As many of you know from reading my “About Me” page, I have lost 5 babies. Well, it is difficult during the holidays. Also, I watched a movie tonight that had a young couple loose their baby right after it was born. It was heart wrenching.

When I go to Walmart or a department store at the mall, etc. and pass by the baby sections… I have to just look away. Seeing the baby clothes just tears me up inside. We had decorated a nursery in classic pooh, so whenever I see that, I feel like running to the nearest exit.

Sometimes – most times, I just feel numb to it all. I suppose that is necessary to continue with life, but other times it just hits me. It normally hits at very inopportune times. Sometimes I am afraid to really let it all out because I feel like I just won’t stop crying. I have had those moments over the years. In the still dark corners of the house, when no one is around… I will weep quietly and pray that the Lord will just wrap His arms around me and comfort me to the very depths of my soul. At times, I feel as though I am shaking from those same depths and all I can do is rock myself like a child.

I am plagued with memories of hope immediately thrashed to pieces like slivered glass from a mirror image… shattered.

I wonder how it will all end up in the end, in eternity. I know that things don’t work out quite the same as far as being married, having children, etc. but I wonder if there is something for those who couldn’t have children in this life… special. It may not matter once we are there, I’m sure… but it would be nice. It gives something to look forward to now I suppose.

Not having children, leaves you in a separate category in life relationships. There is no relation between you and others who have children. Life changes us one way or another and because of that we draw closer to some and farther away from others because of similarity and such.

Bradley and I were talking the other day how ironic it is when you make the transition between being single to being a couple. They have “singles” groups at churches and social groups, but as soon as some two people become a couple, their relationship with their “single” friends changes inevitably.

Then, for a while perhaps, they are a couple without children. This is its own group that is occupied mostly by younger couples in their twenties. Then once they begin having children, it changes their relationship with those who have not had them yet, just as it did with their single friends. However, what happens if you never graduate to that “parent” category? Your just stuck in limbo with the twenty somethings until they move on. Age and maturity change us as well, so the relative association of the “category” we are in becomes very unique and it is hard to find others to relate to.

Bradley and I will never have any children. This is a fact. There are extenuating circumstances that I do not always go into publically, so it is difficult when we receive responses like, “Just give it time”. I know that is a typically generated response because it is an uncomfortable topic and people do not know how else to respond. Sometimes it is just better to say, “I am so sorry to hear that”.

I would like to include this video that captures a small portion of what it feels like after you loose a baby.

Truthoughts Updates

Well, long time no type! LOL… I have been very busy lately and haven’t had much time to type out a blog post. I always feel like it has to be “just so long” to make it a post, so I guess that has discouraged me a bit from taking the time to post. Anyway, I have been working on some other things online that I would like to share with you here.

Twitter

One of the things I have been setting up is my Twitter account as you can see the bird picture on the right side of this site. You can check out my Truthoughts Twitter if you are interested in my quick updates. There is a video out there about what people have thought about Twitter… its funny, but it truely is what people think. Don’t get me wrong, there are those out there but it doen’t apply to everyone. Just like everywhere else, you try to pick your “friends” well.

StumbleUpon

Another area that I have been focusing on is my StumbleUpon (SU) account. My Truthoughts SU has been focusing on posting photo’s, etc. that have inspired me in some way or another. So, if you would like to see some unique, peaceful or inspiring images… come visit my page.

Business

Other than that, I have been working with my husband on our start-up company whose goal is to create the world’s largest “Green” network. Now, just so I am clearly understood… I believe that we, as Christians, are responsible for being good stewards of what God has entrusted us with but I do NOT believe that our resources will run out based on our own efforts or lack thereof. I believe that during the Great Tribulation there will be massive situations that the world will have to face regarding famines, water turning to blood, oceans being poisoned by wormwood, etc. but that has nothing to do with “our efforts” other than prevalent sin that has grown throughout the world population. One way or another it all runs its course based on God’s will and His timing, not within our control.

That being said, again I wish to redirect focus on being a good steward of what God has entrusted to us, which includes using wisdom with our finances and providing for our families, etc. with areas such as solar power, proper insulation, etc. Basically, why rely on man made resources when we can rely on God’s resources in the most efficient way of utilizing as possible?

In Closing

Well, that is all I have been up to lately. At times it feels as though there are not enough hours in the day and others seem to drag on with no end, LOL. I hope to update my blogs more often in the near future… I just have to work out a balanced schedule.

A Birthday I will NEVER forget!

For this birthday, I almost ended up in the hospital… As you can see by the pictures below, it left a lasting impression! My birthday was on August 13th and I had a decent day thanks to my husband. The incident which brought on the pics below happened a couple days before it though…

Bradley and I were coming home from the store and it was beginning to rain, so I hurried to the back of the car to get our bags from the store out of the trunk. As I was doing this, Bradley said “Ow” because he had hit his knee on the door as he was trying to get out of the car. I felt bad so I wanted to hurry even faster so that he wouldn’t have to be in the rain any longer than he might have been otherwise. Well, this was to my detriment.

As I opened the trunk, the door flew upward quite fast and as I was beginning to lean in to grab the bags it started its decent. Luckily, I noticed it was coming down though not quick enough because I began to look up right as it hit me on the bridge of the nose. My reaction instinct was to raise my right arm in an attempt to take the brunt of the blow. Well, it is a good thing that I did as you can see from the pictures. The trunk door hit my nose first, then my arm and as it began to swing back upward, it smacked me in the forehead along the way. Oh my gosh, it hurt so badly. I wasn’t sure what to grab onto first, my nose or my arm… my forehead was an after-thought. Needless to say, Bradley had to stay out in the rain longer to get the bags since I couldn’t hold them at this point. I ran to the door to our home and kept saying how bad of a bruise it was going to be. Bradley just kept asking if I was ok, he felt so bad.  Well, over the next few days… today included, we see the bruises changing colors like a twisted and demented rainbow. LOL.

Bradley went to the store and asked the Pharmacist what would be the best medicine for the pain and swelling. The Pharmacist recommended Ibuprofen, so that is what I took all day the day it happened. On my birthday though, I didn’t want to take anything because they made me feel very loopy. However, the pain was still very strong… so I really couldn’t do very much.

Bradley was a sweetie though. He sent me some ecards and made me a cute little sign for me to wake up to by the bed that wished me a happy birthday. He gave me my favorite roses (fire and ice) and left a card for me on my pillow so that I would find it when I was ready for bed. He also got me a gorgeous and decadent cake with the best tasting strawberry I have ever had! The chocolate is so rich and thick! Though it looks like a small cake, its quality is amazing and feels like a huge cake! Oh, he also promised to clean the entire house for me ~ Wow, what more could a girl ask for!!! (a man willing to do housework and chocolate – LOL! He is my prince!

 

I received many emails wishing me happy birthday with some ecards from friends all over, while others called to sing. I felt really badly though because I wasn’t really in a good place for phone conversations and those I did manage to talk to… I probably sounded drugged – oh my!

Well, I do not like taking medications, so I have been trying very hard to hold off when I can but the pain is still there. I am glad that I have kitties because they are a great distraction when I am not feeling well. The kitties always are doing something funny, silly or cute. I am going out to dinner with my family this weekend for my birthday and I am excited about that. I always love seeing my niece and nephew, they are great kids. My niece and nephew made pictures and framed them for Bradley on his birthday, so I am excited to see what they have done for mine! I hung up their pictures as soon as we got home from Bradley’s dinner. My niece is 8 and my nephew is 7, so their art work is so sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, another thing that Bradley is working on for my birthday… kind of a late birthday gift, is a photo montage video of me growing up. I am very excited to see how that comes up. I will be sure to share it here with all of you as soon as he has it posted on youtube. He really loves being creative like that. He is so fun! I am so blessed to have married my best friend! He has always been able to make me laugh, even in the toughest times.

Anyway, I will be sure to write about how my birthday dinner goes. Maybe I can share some pictures of it all here for you to see. So, thank you for stopping by and reading about my birthday experiences. I hope that you come back again soon to see how my birthday meal goes… you may get a laugh!

A Must See Tribute…

This is a must see video which was created by my husband. I hope that this video brings you much enjoyment and brightens your day. It is amazing how images so preacious can melt your heart and bring a smile to your face.

Well, as many of you may have read in my previous posts… we have some wonderful new kittens. Well, is a tribute video with some of their pictures to share with you here. The song that is on the video is “My Funny Valentine” performed by Matt Damon from the movie the Talented Mr. Ripley. I hope that you enjoy the video and let me know what you think.

They Have Arrived ~ 5 New Kittens!

Click here for Part I.  Part I tells the prestory of Mieshka coming to our home and her pregnancy. It took me a while to be able to post that story because I was having numerous problems with uploading pictures. So, to update you, she has had her babies! Mieshka had her babies on July 13, 2008 beginning around 7:00 pm. Her babies are at this point, 6 days old and very cute. (sorry the first pic is sideways)

We had a few problems with the orange tabby when he was born… he wasn’t breathing. Mieshka wouldn’t begin cleaning him to clear the gel from his face, so I had to get a wet cloth and clear his nose and mouth area. He began to joke on the gel as he breathed it in deeply. I was so worried and began praying while I lightly rubbed his back with the cloth to try and clear his lungs. As I would do this, he would begin breathing, but as soon as I would stop, so would he.

At one point, Mieshka, while he was still attached through the umbilical chord, stood up and turned around. This caused him to dangle in the air and slammed him onto the flooring as she sat back down. Well, when this happened, his neck twisted and I thought he may have just broken his neck – while he was still not breathing. Oh my gosh!!! My heart was racing and I began praying even harder and more panic like.

Well, I kept working on him and eventually, she got around to cleaning him and he ended up being fine. What a relief! I just couldn’t imagine the devistation of him not making it. Soon after the scary ordeal, he began to behave as though he was invincible. I told Bradley that becaus he cheated death at birth, he thought he was superman! We have named him Tigger.

We are still pondering the names of the others. Mieshka had 3 boys and 2 girls. The boys are the Black one, Orange one and White one. The girls are the Calico one and the Off White one. It is hard to tell the difference on the pictures which one is the white one and which is the off white one, but the off white one is beginning to darken her features like her ears, paw pads and nose.

The day after they were born, we took them to the vet because Mieshka hadn’t passed any after birth (our previous cat did after having kittens). Well, he took an exray and said she was fine and that there didn’t seem to be anything more to pass. They also gave her a pill to get rid of the flea-tape worms. We had gotten rid of the fleas just in time for her to have her babies, thank the Lord! Now, she doesn’t have the tape worms either!

At present, we have them in a plastic tub in our bathroom. Mieshka likes it there because no one bothers her. Bradley has been picking up the babies a lot and she is not too fond of that, but they are getting better about crying now. The vet said that she had a full bladder and she really needed to pee, so as soon as we brought her back home, I put her in the litter box and made her pee. Ah, she was so relieved – I could see it in her face.

Now she knows that she can leave her babies for moments to eat, drink and go to the bathroom without worrying. She seems to prefer to do those things when I am in there because if her babies stir, I put my hand over them to give them warmth and they calm down. We still have a baby monitor in there so that I can hear them. A couple of times, Mieshka has laid on one of them and they scream.

When they get a bit bigger and can see, we will let them into our bedroom. Then after a little while, when they are ready, we will introduce them to our other kitties. I am so happy to have them. They are such little blessings. I will try to take more pictures and share them with you here as the get bigger. I may check with Bradley on how to set up a webcam and upload some video of them on Youtube. If I do, I will post that here too.

The order that they were born is:

1. Black (boy)
2. White (boy)
3. Calico (girl)
4. Orange Tabby (boy)
5. Off White (girl)

So, I hope that you enjoy the pictures. If you have any name ideas, please feel free to share them. I was thinking of maybe naming the off white girl “Winnie” because I like Winnie the Pooh and Bradley named the orange tabby “Tigger”. What do you think??? The calico girl is very docile and gentle, she is very quiet too. The black one is the biggest in the bunch. Also, if you have any fun kitten stories, I would love to hear them! I hope that I will have many to share here as they get older.

In this last picture, I am showing all of them together. The previous pictures are of right after they were born. I will write more because I have so many more pictures to share. Please check back for updates or subscribe to be alerted as soon as I update my posts. I hope you have enjoyed seeing our new additions and I look forward to your comments. Have a wonderful day!