Truthoughts Today

Finding something in nothing…

  • Contact Me

  • Subscribe To My Blog – Click Below

  • Follow Me

  • Truthoughts Today's Facebook profile
  • August 2017
    S M T W T F S
    « Nov    
     12345
    6789101112
    13141516171819
    20212223242526
    2728293031  
  • RSS Christian Truthoughts Feed

    • I Will Rest In You
      It has been a long time since I was able to post here and recently was encouraged to start posting again.  I will start by posting a video for those who are battle weary from the spiritual onslaught going on during these last days.  Be encouraged, replenished, and comforted… you are not alone.
    • The Word as an Onion
        Too many merely accept the Word on the surface.  They pick and choose this verse or that and build their doctrine out of it.  One instance for example is that in regard to adultery.  God’s Word says that you should not commit adultery; wherefore, those who have not slept with someone outside of their […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone
      40 Days of Challenge Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone           Positive Practices   Philippians 2:14 (KJV) “Do all things without murmurings (grumbling) and disputings”   Have you ever found yourself making an effort to go out of your way for someone only to find that they respond without […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 5 Dare to be Different
      40 Days of Challenge Day 5 Dare to be Different   The Post-It Challenge Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil (calamity), to give you an expected end (a future and a hope).” Isaiah 55:11-12 (KJV) “So shall My […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness
      40 Days of Challenge Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness   Self Control James 1:19-20 (KJV)  “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not (does not produce) the righteousness of God.” Many times in our human relationships, we find […]
  • Visitors From Around The World

  • RSS Top News Stories

    • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

Posts Tagged ‘love’

When You Feel Like Giving Up…

Posted by truthoughts on August 20, 2009

As some of you are aware… my family has been going through very deep and dark valleys lately as many others are. This time in our lives are a testament to God’s faithfulness, even when we feel as though He is nowhere to be seen or even felt at times. He is still there.

There are many times I have felt like giving up lately. Days and nights where all I can do is fall on the ground in a huddled curl, crying so hard that I can barely breath and all I can do is say “Help me God”.

When you have prayed all you can pray and you don’t even have the strength to pray anything other then “Help me” – He is there.

When your body shakes and rocks like a child, His arms are there to wrap you and give you a quiet strength in the midst of stillness that night brings. When you feel that you can no longer stand and a weight on you is so heavy that you think its going to crush you in to dust, He is there.

When you see no point and no light at the end of the tunnel, like there is a veil over your eyes and you can’t see past your immediate surrounding – He is there.

Even if the world comes crashing down to the point you honestly believe He has left you for dead, He is still there.

You may feel as though you have crossed the point of no escape, but He has made a way where there seems to be no way. He has directed your paths even before He created you. His plans will be fulfilled and no one can take you from Him.

Even if life brings us to our end in death, it is only a beginning with God. The fears and pains of this life, even now in the middle of what seems to be chaos and turmoil… there is a plan and it is for our good – even if we cannot see it or understand it in any way.

Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is past the dark door that is blocking our view…. but it is there.

Please watch and listen to these videos and have courage. He is coming soon and we all want to be with Him. Once it is over here, it will all be worth it… even if today is not that day, it is coming. Trust Him. Seek Him, even in the darkness – He is there.

All my love and prayers,
Alison

Posted in Journal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Saying Good-bye is never easy

Posted by truthoughts on July 20, 2009

As I write this, my thoughts wonder to our beloved friend who we will greatly miss named Keani. Keani was our family kitty whom I have had for over 9 years. She passed away early on Sunday, July 5, 2009. She was gone before we woke. It has taken all this time for me to be in a place of peace to be able to write this.

Keani – Binky was born on March 21, 2000 to a kitty who couldn’t take care of her. She was taken in by Operation Kindness and cared for by a wonderful lady named Kit. Keani came into my life one day in October 2000 at the Petsmart store when she was just 7 months old. You see, I had another kitty friend named Cuddles who had passed away earlier that year on July 12th that looked just like her. They were both tortoise shell mainecoons. I had Cuddles for 18.5 years and life was not the same without a kitty.

As soon as I saw Keani, I was drawn to her instantly. I rushed right to her as she huddled into the corner of her cage from the nervousness of the public. You see, she has always been a bit shy. I spoke to Kit about her and Kit handed her to me. As soon as I wrapped her in my arms, she tucked her little kitten face into the crevasse of my arm to hid from those around. I could feel her body tremble and then turn to a purr when I pet her.

I knew I just had to have her in my life. So, I filled out all of the paperwork and went through the interview process… then home with me she came.

I remember it took about 2 weeks to get her to come out from under my bed. I would sit on top and wait. She would gradually peer out but if she saw anyone else, back under she would go. Eventually, I would find that she was a tagger. I would have to run and jump into bed so that she wouldn’t tag my ankle as I lifted my foot. She was a quick one!

Her favorite toys were straws and paper balls. She could have so much fun with those two things for hours. She also loved to hide my socks, lol. Eventually, I gave her some quilted type slippers that she loved to take around with her. She would carry them in her mouth as she walked through the house, crying as though the slipper was her baby. It was so sweet.

She just loved to nestle in the lining of the box springs under the bed. She would tear a small whole into it and climb up and sleep there for hours. She liked that it was like a hammock.

Keani also was like a momma kitty to our other kitties. She always watched at a distance when two kitties would be arguing. She would make sure that she knew who was at fault and then go give that one a piece of her mind which normally included a quick whipping to the forehead (but without her claws). It always happened so fast that the other one wouldn’t know what hit them until she was across the room. She kept the peace.

I always loved how when a storm was coming, her fur would get all frizzed up. She became a huge fluff-ball. It was adorable. Also, with her around… no insect, bird, etc. could make it past the entryway it came in from. She was quick!

I remember her blowing kisses from across the room and winking at me and Bradley when we would talk to her. When she was small, I use to tell her what a pretty girl she was and she would try to hide her face with her arm as though she got embarrassed.

Keani got very sick last September/October and we had to put her on a feeding tube. The doctors never did find out what was wrong with her. We fed her food, water, vitamins and minerals through her tube 2-3 times a day. While she was very weak, we would keep her in an enclosed playpen. Then she became strong enough to jump out. Eventually, thanks to God and Science Diet, she began to eat on her own. We were able to take her off the feeding tube and she gained most of her weight back. She was very active and social for months afterward.

The night before she passed, on the 4th of July, when we came home… there she was to greet us excitedly. She jumped up on the table and gave kisses. She seemed happy and healthy, so the next day when Bradley found her laying on the tile… he thought nothing of it. A couple hours later when he came downstairs again and she hadn’t moved… he went to check on her but she had already passed. She was laying in front of our fan, which was her favorite thing to do. She loved the fan.

We brushed her, took some last photos and wrapped her in a blanket inside a tub. I placed a teddy bear next to her and we sealed her up to be buried.

This all hit me very hard and I cried so much the first week that it made me sick. I have a good friend who lost her doggie not long ago and I sent her a poem I found online. Well, she sent it to me after loosing Keani and I would like to share it here.

I stood by your bed last night… I came to have a peep. I could see that
you’d been crying, And you found it hard to sleep

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, “It’s me. I haven’t
left you. I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”

I was close to you at breakfast… I watched you pour your tea. You were
thinking of the many times Your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at my grave today… You tend to it with such care. I want
to reassure you That I’m not lying there.

I walked you towards the house As you fumbled for the key. I gently put my
paw on you… I smiled and said, “its me.”

You looked so very tired As you sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let
you know That I was sitting there.

It’s wonderful for me to be So near you everyday, To say to you with
certainty, “I never went away.”

You sat there very quietly, Then smiled… I think you knew That in the
stillness of the evening I was very close to you.

And when the time is right for you To cross the brief divide, I’ll rush
across to meet you And we’ll stand there side by side.

I have so many things to show you! There’s so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, Then come home to be with me.

Author Unknown

It is hard to read this without crying. Anyway… I know in my heart that she is with Jesus and I will see her again someday. She knows that she was dearly loved.

Thank you for sharing in a small portion (9 yrs) of my life Keani. I miss you.

Posted in thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Life in the balance

Posted by truthoughts on March 16, 2009

Now, as I write this… my long time friend’s mother is being taken off of life support. My emotions are running the gammot during this time, so I thought I would write about it.

My friend, lets call her “H”, and I have known each other for about 13 years. I spent so much time at her house and her at mine. I always loved when her mom, lets call her “M”, was around. M was always so nice, outgoing and positive. I remember M telling us about dreams she would have about God and heaven.

Sadly, the last time that I saw M was at my wedding. M and H both came to my wedding in 2003. I have seen H through the years but never got to see M. The past year hasn’t been the easiest for them. M was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to have one of her lungs removed and part of her other lung too. Later, they found more cancer in her remaining lung. Well, the cancer transgressed into one of her arteries which caused her to bleed into her lung. She called 911 on Monday when she began to cough up blood.

The hospital had to sedate her to put her on a respirator and she has been unconscious since then. The family prayed and decided to remove the respirator today around 4pm. I just received a text message from H around 5pm stating that M was breathing at the moment. So, as of this moment to my knowledge, M is still alive. H said that if M doesn’t make it, then the funeral would be on Thursday. We have been praying and requesting prayer from all of our connections. In the end, God’s will, will be done.

I just now received another text stating that M is breathing about 10 breaths per minute.

I have been racking my brain and praying to try and figure out what exactly to say to H when it is all said and done. I am just not sure. I know that God will give me the right words and / or actions when it is time. Loosing a parent is difficult but I cannot imagine loosing your mother when you are a female. There is a bond there, despite the growing pains that we all experience through the years, that cannot be matched. H is only 29.

One major blessing for H is that she has had this extra time with M to say and do the things they needed to between the first bout with cancer and now. M said that she was very grateful for this time as well. H’s husband just lost his mother about a year ago. They truly have had a rough couple of years.

Right now I am thinking about how M always loved doing the “fun” stuff us girls wanted to do. She was great like that. She was the head of her Red Hat Ladies club… it was just like her.

Well, please pray for peace for the family and the strength to get through this. They are all Christians, which is a strong comfort in its self. Thank you for reading this and for your prayers. If you would like to leave a comment for H or her family… I will pass them along.

Take time to share with those you love now, your love towards them.

***************

PRAISE JESUS!!! She woke up and is breathing on her own. She said that she saw Jesus and that she is going to live!!! Please keep praying!!!

***************

Posted in thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Conviction

Posted by truthoughts on January 10, 2009

During the last week or so, I have been struggling a bit regarding my time here… not here on this site, I mean here on this planet. See, recently my husband and I have been given an opportunity to work together in a new business. This couldn’t come at a better time, however, it has taken up much of our time.

I have been struggling over this because I see how our time here is so short. So many things are happening around the world that have been prophesied about throughout the Bible. Well, the other day I was searching through Youtube and as many of you know… you may begin searching for one thing and end up watching all sorts of videos that do not even have anything to do with what you originally searched for. Its like a brain that goes off on a tangent. LOL!

So, anyway… back to my point 😉

Somehow I ended up on videos that were about people who have died and came back. These individuals were converted to Christianity because of this. These videos drew me in and intrigued me greatly because they described heaven and hell. Well, I found it interesting in some due to their descriptions. Now, I do not know for sure if all of their stories are accurate… but I listened.

I began to notice how many of them were talking about seeing “Christians” in hell due to unforgiveness and falling back to the world’s activities, etc. To give you a little history, I had recently written a post on my site regarding whether or not those who practice homosexuality will go in the rapture of the church. This post was brought on by a study that Jack Kelley wrote.

After I wrote my article, I received a comment that brought up the question of “Once Saved, Always Saved”. Well, I responded that this was a topic that has been debated throughout the church for a long time and there are many reasons why both sides take up their case for or against this idea. I shared that I would try and write an article covering why some believe this to be in error.

I had a few epiphanies during this study and then I came across the video I have included on this page (site). The video is a 58 minute sermon that is completely accurate and extremely convicting. After watching this video, it just made me want to sit in silence and contemplate… then pray.

See, I remember a time when I had that much conviction and zeal. Over the years I have been worn down by life and my faith has been tested to the max… and I am sure it will continue to be. I have been missing who I once was in Christ and I am sure that He has been missing me. Sure, I wrote articles to share the truth with any who will listen and I always stand my ground when put in a situation to defend my faith… but true conviction and zeal… its been awhile.

This video has cut through all of the glory gumption and gotten right to the heart of the matter, which is exactly where we all need to be in these last days. I am not willing to take the chance that the comfortable laziness I have partaken of in my relationship with Christ might cause me to miss Him all together. So, I challenge you, as I will endeavor to do myself, to reawaken the strongest desires you have had for the Lord and gain the boldness of the warriors we were called to be in the house of the Lord. Time is so short and we may never get a second chance!

If you do not know where to look for the video, I am including it here. I highly encourage you to watch it without distraction… be convicted whole heatedly and make a life altering change for Christ. Please share this video with any you may feel should see it… I am sure there are more who need to see this than you may realize.

Posted in Christian Life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Infant Blues

Posted by truthoughts on December 31, 2008

I have had a hard time today and lately at different times. As many of you know from reading my “About Me” page, I have lost 5 babies. Well, it is difficult during the holidays. Also, I watched a movie tonight that had a young couple loose their baby right after it was born. It was heart wrenching.

When I go to Walmart or a department store at the mall, etc. and pass by the baby sections… I have to just look away. Seeing the baby clothes just tears me up inside. We had decorated a nursery in classic pooh, so whenever I see that, I feel like running to the nearest exit.

Sometimes – most times, I just feel numb to it all. I suppose that is necessary to continue with life, but other times it just hits me. It normally hits at very inopportune times. Sometimes I am afraid to really let it all out because I feel like I just won’t stop crying. I have had those moments over the years. In the still dark corners of the house, when no one is around… I will weep quietly and pray that the Lord will just wrap His arms around me and comfort me to the very depths of my soul. At times, I feel as though I am shaking from those same depths and all I can do is rock myself like a child.

I am plagued with memories of hope immediately thrashed to pieces like slivered glass from a mirror image… shattered.

I wonder how it will all end up in the end, in eternity. I know that things don’t work out quite the same as far as being married, having children, etc. but I wonder if there is something for those who couldn’t have children in this life… special. It may not matter once we are there, I’m sure… but it would be nice. It gives something to look forward to now I suppose.

Not having children, leaves you in a separate category in life relationships. There is no relation between you and others who have children. Life changes us one way or another and because of that we draw closer to some and farther away from others because of similarity and such.

Bradley and I were talking the other day how ironic it is when you make the transition between being single to being a couple. They have “singles” groups at churches and social groups, but as soon as some two people become a couple, their relationship with their “single” friends changes inevitably.

Then, for a while perhaps, they are a couple without children. This is its own group that is occupied mostly by younger couples in their twenties. Then once they begin having children, it changes their relationship with those who have not had them yet, just as it did with their single friends. However, what happens if you never graduate to that “parent” category? Your just stuck in limbo with the twenty somethings until they move on. Age and maturity change us as well, so the relative association of the “category” we are in becomes very unique and it is hard to find others to relate to.

Bradley and I will never have any children. This is a fact. There are extenuating circumstances that I do not always go into publically, so it is difficult when we receive responses like, “Just give it time”. I know that is a typically generated response because it is an uncomfortable topic and people do not know how else to respond. Sometimes it is just better to say, “I am so sorry to hear that”.

I would like to include this video that captures a small portion of what it feels like after you loose a baby.

Posted in Christian Life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

A Birthday I will NEVER forget!

Posted by truthoughts on August 14, 2008

For this birthday, I almost ended up in the hospital… As you can see by the pictures below, it left a lasting impression! My birthday was on August 13th and I had a decent day thanks to my husband. The incident which brought on the pics below happened a couple days before it though…

Bradley and I were coming home from the store and it was beginning to rain, so I hurried to the back of the car to get our bags from the store out of the trunk. As I was doing this, Bradley said “Ow” because he had hit his knee on the door as he was trying to get out of the car. I felt bad so I wanted to hurry even faster so that he wouldn’t have to be in the rain any longer than he might have been otherwise. Well, this was to my detriment.

As I opened the trunk, the door flew upward quite fast and as I was beginning to lean in to grab the bags it started its decent. Luckily, I noticed it was coming down though not quick enough because I began to look up right as it hit me on the bridge of the nose. My reaction instinct was to raise my right arm in an attempt to take the brunt of the blow. Well, it is a good thing that I did as you can see from the pictures. The trunk door hit my nose first, then my arm and as it began to swing back upward, it smacked me in the forehead along the way. Oh my gosh, it hurt so badly. I wasn’t sure what to grab onto first, my nose or my arm… my forehead was an after-thought. Needless to say, Bradley had to stay out in the rain longer to get the bags since I couldn’t hold them at this point. I ran to the door to our home and kept saying how bad of a bruise it was going to be. Bradley just kept asking if I was ok, he felt so bad.  Well, over the next few days… today included, we see the bruises changing colors like a twisted and demented rainbow. LOL.

Bradley went to the store and asked the Pharmacist what would be the best medicine for the pain and swelling. The Pharmacist recommended Ibuprofen, so that is what I took all day the day it happened. On my birthday though, I didn’t want to take anything because they made me feel very loopy. However, the pain was still very strong… so I really couldn’t do very much.

Bradley was a sweetie though. He sent me some ecards and made me a cute little sign for me to wake up to by the bed that wished me a happy birthday. He gave me my favorite roses (fire and ice) and left a card for me on my pillow so that I would find it when I was ready for bed. He also got me a gorgeous and decadent cake with the best tasting strawberry I have ever had! The chocolate is so rich and thick! Though it looks like a small cake, its quality is amazing and feels like a huge cake! Oh, he also promised to clean the entire house for me ~ Wow, what more could a girl ask for!!! (a man willing to do housework and chocolate – LOL! He is my prince!

 

I received many emails wishing me happy birthday with some ecards from friends all over, while others called to sing. I felt really badly though because I wasn’t really in a good place for phone conversations and those I did manage to talk to… I probably sounded drugged – oh my!

Well, I do not like taking medications, so I have been trying very hard to hold off when I can but the pain is still there. I am glad that I have kitties because they are a great distraction when I am not feeling well. The kitties always are doing something funny, silly or cute. I am going out to dinner with my family this weekend for my birthday and I am excited about that. I always love seeing my niece and nephew, they are great kids. My niece and nephew made pictures and framed them for Bradley on his birthday, so I am excited to see what they have done for mine! I hung up their pictures as soon as we got home from Bradley’s dinner. My niece is 8 and my nephew is 7, so their art work is so sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, another thing that Bradley is working on for my birthday… kind of a late birthday gift, is a photo montage video of me growing up. I am very excited to see how that comes up. I will be sure to share it here with all of you as soon as he has it posted on youtube. He really loves being creative like that. He is so fun! I am so blessed to have married my best friend! He has always been able to make me laugh, even in the toughest times.

Anyway, I will be sure to write about how my birthday dinner goes. Maybe I can share some pictures of it all here for you to see. So, thank you for stopping by and reading about my birthday experiences. I hope that you come back again soon to see how my birthday meal goes… you may get a laugh!

Posted in thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

A Must See Tribute…

Posted by truthoughts on August 11, 2008

This is a must see video which was created by my husband. I hope that this video brings you much enjoyment and brightens your day. It is amazing how images so preacious can melt your heart and bring a smile to your face.

Well, as many of you may have read in my previous posts… we have some wonderful new kittens. Well, is a tribute video with some of their pictures to share with you here. The song that is on the video is “My Funny Valentine” performed by Matt Damon from the movie the Talented Mr. Ripley. I hope that you enjoy the video and let me know what you think.

Posted in Kitty Stories | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

An Inspiring Video – Must See!!!

Posted by truthoughts on June 22, 2008

My Redemer Lives Video

Click Here for the Video

I just wanted to share this video that I found through Stumbleupon that is really great and inspiring. The dept of love this man has for his son is beyond words. The caption for the video on the site is, “Incredible video about the relationship between a father and son…. and God’s relationship with us.” Keeping this in mind while watching this video, a person would have to be completely dead inside to not be moved to the innermost parts. After watching this, I couldn’t speak for a few minutes because of the emotions it stirred. Please let me know how this video makes you feel. I look forward to your comments. Have a blessed day!

Posted in thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

My Perfect Day

Posted by truthoughts on May 14, 2008

My perfect day would begin by being woken up with breakfast in bed. I would be served eggs over medium, burnt to a crisp bacon, 2 pieces of strawberry jellied toast and a cup of coffee. On the tray would also be rose pettles sprinkeld around the plates and cup. This would be brought to me by my wonderful husband, Bradley, holding a red rose between his beautiful lips.

He would then turn on sweet, soft music that would stir emotions locked deep inside. He would sit by my side as I offer to share my perfectly made and displayed breakfast with him. We would talk of our dreams and of what a wonderful day it would be. He would proceed to tell me that he had already prepared the cats breakfast (we feed them a special breakfast every morning) and that once I was done and ready to go, that he had a special day planned.

Then, as soon as I would be ready, we would leave in a flash with the windows down on a peaceful, sunny day. The wind would whip through my hair as the radio played my favorite song. Immediately upon the song’s end, the DJ would come on and say that this song was dedicated to *me* by *my* beloved husband of 5 years who was going to give me the best day ever because he loves me so.

Bradley would then look over at me with the childlike smile he often carries as his eyes would twinkle in the reflection of light. I would feel consumed by a warm tingly feeling in the inner most parts of me and a deep appreciation for my soulmate.

Our first stop of the day, would be a shopping complex, where every store was unique like a downtown square. Bradley, knowing how much I love to just look at different things, would say that I could have whatever I wanted that day. This pleasing offer would make me giddy like an excited infant, ready to tackle everything before me.

I would find 2 or 3 treasurable items to remind me of this day, though, the day would not be over. Bradley would then take me for lunch, to a quaint little itallian restraunt, hidden to the world, where it feels like the guest is the center of attention. Everything would be perfect… the lighting, the music, the feel, the service and the food.

After lunch, we would proceed to a beachfront in the heat of the day, where the breeze from the ocean would be much appreciated. As we would walk, barefoot through white sands, we would run periodically through the waves that would collide against the shore.

Down the way a bit, would be a man selling bread to feed to the seaguls… so, we would purchase a loaf to see who could throw it the highest and who could get a bird to eat out of their hand. A boy would stand off to the side, holding a kite he was given by his father. Facinated by the intreague of the boy, we would sit and admire.

Then, as it came time for the sun to set, we would walk to a rocky hill.  Climbing up the hill, we would spot the perfect place to watch the sunset. Together we would sit, cuddled and warm while the feeling of stillness and freedom would sweep across our hearts. The magnificient colors portrayed in the sky would be breath taking.

Once the sun would be completely set, we would then go to a very high place (driving of course). There we would walk to a secluded spot in an open field and lay side by side. Looking up at the vast array of stars amidst the blackness of the universe, we would talk about random, out of the ordinary things. The feeling of how incredible everything was and how small we are would run through our thoughts as the impact of posibility toward the lack of gravity, would amaze us, as to how we could stay on the earth and not just float off into space.

After awhile, Bradley would lean over and share a poem that he wrote about me, about us, which would bring me to tears as it would bind our hearts even closer, which we never imagined was possible. Once the day would be done, we would go home and our closeness would be a memory that could not be beat by any poem, movie or dream allowed. This would be my perfect day.

Posted in Christian Life, Comments, Diary, Dreams, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Happiness, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Marriage, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, People, Personal, Philosophy, Poems, Poetry, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Breaking The Mold

Posted by truthoughts on May 12, 2008

I never knew just how hard it would be, to give up a dream that was deep inside me. In the days of leanness, we must all sacrifice. Some more painful than others, not realizing the hold of past hopes and dreams, it is time to say good-bye. If you have read ‘About Me’ then you know about my loss of 5 babies. Over a period of 4 years, Bradley and I have lost 5 babies because I have a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. This means that I have like an allergic reaction to the hormone, which is produced by pregnancy. My doctors, who are considered ‘experts’ in this field, (though none of them really know much about it) had never seen a case as severe as mine. Anyway, each time it became worse, bringing me to the point of my own death, then I would miscarry. With each baby, Bradley and I, would allow ourselves to become whole-heartedly attached to this new life, only to be grieved by the loss of it, while suffering the trauma of my own physical condition.

Anyway, as we entered each pregnancy… we would accumulate nursery items: Crib, bedding, baby clothes, other furniture, etc. I have held on to these items, even after Bradley had a vasectomy, with the hopes that someday we would be able to have a baby somehow – through some means. Well, now times are tight and sacrifices must be made… so… I have to let these items go (sell them) and with them, an attachment to a dream, a hope, a desire. I know that many would say that just because I have to sell these items, it doesn’t mean that I can’t still have that hope and once obtained, purchase these items again… I understand that.

It is amazing how we attach emotions of life situations to items that symbolize those times. I still have a bear that I got in junior high, that every time I cried over the loss of a friend, the death of my cat, etc… I would cry into this bear. Because of this, I can’t seem to part with it. From the outside, I think to myself… how crazy to allow an attachment resembling pain and suffering, to hold on to that, yet in some twisted way, it is comforting. Maybe it is because I was a latchkey kid, meaning that my mom was never home because she had to work all the time and my dad didn’t live with us, so… my bear, my cat, etc. were my safe places, my comfort zones, my friends who would never leave me or judge me.

I feel like I have been putting off the inevitable by holding off on a garage sale. I am wondering though, if it would be better with some of the furniture items, to sell them on Ebay or Craig’s List to get more money for them. Bradley is waiting on a venture deal to come through, but as you probably know… waiting on attorneys to review, change, etc. paperwork, can take forever – and we have to eat. Things are tight now, but I know that somehow, though I am not sure when or how exactly, things will work out because the Bible says that [Romans 8:28] He makes all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. So, I put my trust and hope in Christ, knowing that, [Nahum 1:7] The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him. Also, [Psalm 34:17,19] The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

It is difficult for those who put their trust in the Lord while going through trials to strengthen their faith as they watch evildoers all around them prosper, but here is a verse for you: [Psalm 37:7] Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. I have to tell myself this because this is an area in which I too struggle. It is draining to ponder on this too long though. I try and remind myself that God is good, true and just… and in the end, He has the last word. If I just keep pushing forward in my relationship with Him and sharing Him and His Word with others, then I will be an over comer and receive the blessings He says that I will in the book of Revelation (letters to the 7 churches). One verse that gives me encouragement is [Isaiah 40:31] But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Anyway, you are probably starting to see how my brain works… I have my little pity party, then I remember some scripture, which gives me encouragement and so I move on… for at least 5 minutes or so… As the female brain tends to work, I think of so much all at once that I am bound to come back around to this topic again soon and have to go through the steps again. Eventually, I will immediately remind myself of the verses so I don’t have to go through the entire pity party because there are always many other things to occupy my thoughts that are just as time consuming and important to work through. I believe this to be the Holy Spirit as it says, [John 14:26] But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

So, as painful as it is, my mold must be broken, in order to open the door to what God has in store for me in Him. [2 Corinthians 5:17] Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. [Luke 9:62] And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. As I journey forward I will continue to look forward with faith like a child that the Lord is true to His Word and will perform it through to the end. [Philippians 1:6] Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. [Romans 8:18] For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

So, for now, this is where I will leave it…

Posted in Bible, Christian, Christianity, Comments, Diary, Emotions, Faith, Family, God, Inspiration, Jesus, Journal, Life, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Rants, Reflections, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »