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    • I Will Rest In You
      It has been a long time since I was able to post here and recently was encouraged to start posting again.  I will start by posting a video for those who are battle weary from the spiritual onslaught going on during these last days.  Be encouraged, replenished, and comforted… you are not alone.
    • The Word as an Onion
        Too many merely accept the Word on the surface.  They pick and choose this verse or that and build their doctrine out of it.  One instance for example is that in regard to adultery.  God’s Word says that you should not commit adultery; wherefore, those who have not slept with someone outside of their […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone
      40 Days of Challenge Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone           Positive Practices   Philippians 2:14 (KJV) “Do all things without murmurings (grumbling) and disputings”   Have you ever found yourself making an effort to go out of your way for someone only to find that they respond without […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 5 Dare to be Different
      40 Days of Challenge Day 5 Dare to be Different   The Post-It Challenge Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil (calamity), to give you an expected end (a future and a hope).” Isaiah 55:11-12 (KJV) “So shall My […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness
      40 Days of Challenge Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness   Self Control James 1:19-20 (KJV)  “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not (does not produce) the righteousness of God.” Many times in our human relationships, we find […]
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Posts Tagged ‘Friends’

Saying Good-bye is never easy

Posted by truthoughts on July 20, 2009

As I write this, my thoughts wonder to our beloved friend who we will greatly miss named Keani. Keani was our family kitty whom I have had for over 9 years. She passed away early on Sunday, July 5, 2009. She was gone before we woke. It has taken all this time for me to be in a place of peace to be able to write this.

Keani – Binky was born on March 21, 2000 to a kitty who couldn’t take care of her. She was taken in by Operation Kindness and cared for by a wonderful lady named Kit. Keani came into my life one day in October 2000 at the Petsmart store when she was just 7 months old. You see, I had another kitty friend named Cuddles who had passed away earlier that year on July 12th that looked just like her. They were both tortoise shell mainecoons. I had Cuddles for 18.5 years and life was not the same without a kitty.

As soon as I saw Keani, I was drawn to her instantly. I rushed right to her as she huddled into the corner of her cage from the nervousness of the public. You see, she has always been a bit shy. I spoke to Kit about her and Kit handed her to me. As soon as I wrapped her in my arms, she tucked her little kitten face into the crevasse of my arm to hid from those around. I could feel her body tremble and then turn to a purr when I pet her.

I knew I just had to have her in my life. So, I filled out all of the paperwork and went through the interview process… then home with me she came.

I remember it took about 2 weeks to get her to come out from under my bed. I would sit on top and wait. She would gradually peer out but if she saw anyone else, back under she would go. Eventually, I would find that she was a tagger. I would have to run and jump into bed so that she wouldn’t tag my ankle as I lifted my foot. She was a quick one!

Her favorite toys were straws and paper balls. She could have so much fun with those two things for hours. She also loved to hide my socks, lol. Eventually, I gave her some quilted type slippers that she loved to take around with her. She would carry them in her mouth as she walked through the house, crying as though the slipper was her baby. It was so sweet.

She just loved to nestle in the lining of the box springs under the bed. She would tear a small whole into it and climb up and sleep there for hours. She liked that it was like a hammock.

Keani also was like a momma kitty to our other kitties. She always watched at a distance when two kitties would be arguing. She would make sure that she knew who was at fault and then go give that one a piece of her mind which normally included a quick whipping to the forehead (but without her claws). It always happened so fast that the other one wouldn’t know what hit them until she was across the room. She kept the peace.

I always loved how when a storm was coming, her fur would get all frizzed up. She became a huge fluff-ball. It was adorable. Also, with her around… no insect, bird, etc. could make it past the entryway it came in from. She was quick!

I remember her blowing kisses from across the room and winking at me and Bradley when we would talk to her. When she was small, I use to tell her what a pretty girl she was and she would try to hide her face with her arm as though she got embarrassed.

Keani got very sick last September/October and we had to put her on a feeding tube. The doctors never did find out what was wrong with her. We fed her food, water, vitamins and minerals through her tube 2-3 times a day. While she was very weak, we would keep her in an enclosed playpen. Then she became strong enough to jump out. Eventually, thanks to God and Science Diet, she began to eat on her own. We were able to take her off the feeding tube and she gained most of her weight back. She was very active and social for months afterward.

The night before she passed, on the 4th of July, when we came home… there she was to greet us excitedly. She jumped up on the table and gave kisses. She seemed happy and healthy, so the next day when Bradley found her laying on the tile… he thought nothing of it. A couple hours later when he came downstairs again and she hadn’t moved… he went to check on her but she had already passed. She was laying in front of our fan, which was her favorite thing to do. She loved the fan.

We brushed her, took some last photos and wrapped her in a blanket inside a tub. I placed a teddy bear next to her and we sealed her up to be buried.

This all hit me very hard and I cried so much the first week that it made me sick. I have a good friend who lost her doggie not long ago and I sent her a poem I found online. Well, she sent it to me after loosing Keani and I would like to share it here.

I stood by your bed last night… I came to have a peep. I could see that
you’d been crying, And you found it hard to sleep

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, “It’s me. I haven’t
left you. I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”

I was close to you at breakfast… I watched you pour your tea. You were
thinking of the many times Your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at my grave today… You tend to it with such care. I want
to reassure you That I’m not lying there.

I walked you towards the house As you fumbled for the key. I gently put my
paw on you… I smiled and said, “its me.”

You looked so very tired As you sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let
you know That I was sitting there.

It’s wonderful for me to be So near you everyday, To say to you with
certainty, “I never went away.”

You sat there very quietly, Then smiled… I think you knew That in the
stillness of the evening I was very close to you.

And when the time is right for you To cross the brief divide, I’ll rush
across to meet you And we’ll stand there side by side.

I have so many things to show you! There’s so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, Then come home to be with me.

Author Unknown

It is hard to read this without crying. Anyway… I know in my heart that she is with Jesus and I will see her again someday. She knows that she was dearly loved.

Thank you for sharing in a small portion (9 yrs) of my life Keani. I miss you.

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A Life in the balance

Posted by truthoughts on March 16, 2009

Now, as I write this… my long time friend’s mother is being taken off of life support. My emotions are running the gammot during this time, so I thought I would write about it.

My friend, lets call her “H”, and I have known each other for about 13 years. I spent so much time at her house and her at mine. I always loved when her mom, lets call her “M”, was around. M was always so nice, outgoing and positive. I remember M telling us about dreams she would have about God and heaven.

Sadly, the last time that I saw M was at my wedding. M and H both came to my wedding in 2003. I have seen H through the years but never got to see M. The past year hasn’t been the easiest for them. M was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to have one of her lungs removed and part of her other lung too. Later, they found more cancer in her remaining lung. Well, the cancer transgressed into one of her arteries which caused her to bleed into her lung. She called 911 on Monday when she began to cough up blood.

The hospital had to sedate her to put her on a respirator and she has been unconscious since then. The family prayed and decided to remove the respirator today around 4pm. I just received a text message from H around 5pm stating that M was breathing at the moment. So, as of this moment to my knowledge, M is still alive. H said that if M doesn’t make it, then the funeral would be on Thursday. We have been praying and requesting prayer from all of our connections. In the end, God’s will, will be done.

I just now received another text stating that M is breathing about 10 breaths per minute.

I have been racking my brain and praying to try and figure out what exactly to say to H when it is all said and done. I am just not sure. I know that God will give me the right words and / or actions when it is time. Loosing a parent is difficult but I cannot imagine loosing your mother when you are a female. There is a bond there, despite the growing pains that we all experience through the years, that cannot be matched. H is only 29.

One major blessing for H is that she has had this extra time with M to say and do the things they needed to between the first bout with cancer and now. M said that she was very grateful for this time as well. H’s husband just lost his mother about a year ago. They truly have had a rough couple of years.

Right now I am thinking about how M always loved doing the “fun” stuff us girls wanted to do. She was great like that. She was the head of her Red Hat Ladies club… it was just like her.

Well, please pray for peace for the family and the strength to get through this. They are all Christians, which is a strong comfort in its self. Thank you for reading this and for your prayers. If you would like to leave a comment for H or her family… I will pass them along.

Take time to share with those you love now, your love towards them.

***************

PRAISE JESUS!!! She woke up and is breathing on her own. She said that she saw Jesus and that she is going to live!!! Please keep praying!!!

***************

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A Broken Toe

Posted by truthoughts on January 26, 2009

Yesterday, while I was cleaning our formal dinning table… I had to walk between the table and our china hutch. Well, the space between the two is a little tight and I ended up ramming my right pinky toe into the corner of the china hutch.

This then caused my toe to move outward and began to hurt quite badly. As it swelled, I felt the side of it and realized that it was broken.

Immediately, Bradley helped me to secure an ice pack to my toe with an ace bandage. As you can see, it was quite the site.

Bandaged FootBandaged Foot with Ice

We tried to search online for what I could take that night to reduce the swelling and help me to sleep. We ended up calling a Pharmacist to ask them if it would be ok for me to take Ibuprofen for the swelling and Unisom to help me sleep. The Pharmacist said that it would be alright… so I did.

Well, the Ibuprofen did help with the swelling of my toe and the Unisom helped with my sleep, however… the Unisom made my face puffy the next day. So, I had an unswollen foot with a swollen face, lol… go figure!

This evening, one of our good friends (Billy) is coming over and I am a bit bummed because I won’t even be able to get up to greet him. Bradley has created a set up for me on the couch. I have access to the internet and the television. Right about now, I am grateful for our couch because the seats all recline. What a blessing!

Today, the part of my foot that hurts the most is the ball area where the pinky toe is. If I put any pressure on that part, I get a sharp pain. Of course, this only really happens when I am coming down stairs and luckily that is not often.

I am trying to stay off of it as much as possible and keep it elevated on a pillow. The lack of circulation, however, has made my foot go cold. I have heard from some friends elsewhere that when they broke one of their toes, it took about a year to completely heal… YIKES! I am praying for a QUICK recovery!

The ironic thing is that the night before this happened… I was talking to Bradley and saying how I needed to rest for a day or so because we have been going, going, going. Well, I suppose I got my wish, urgh!

Anyway, I am going to try and enjoy the rest, the best possible. I am receiving a lot of prayers and I am so grateful for that. I appreciate you checking in on my posts and sharing your thoughts. I hope that your days are blessed and your nights are restful.

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Conviction

Posted by truthoughts on January 10, 2009

During the last week or so, I have been struggling a bit regarding my time here… not here on this site, I mean here on this planet. See, recently my husband and I have been given an opportunity to work together in a new business. This couldn’t come at a better time, however, it has taken up much of our time.

I have been struggling over this because I see how our time here is so short. So many things are happening around the world that have been prophesied about throughout the Bible. Well, the other day I was searching through Youtube and as many of you know… you may begin searching for one thing and end up watching all sorts of videos that do not even have anything to do with what you originally searched for. Its like a brain that goes off on a tangent. LOL!

So, anyway… back to my point 😉

Somehow I ended up on videos that were about people who have died and came back. These individuals were converted to Christianity because of this. These videos drew me in and intrigued me greatly because they described heaven and hell. Well, I found it interesting in some due to their descriptions. Now, I do not know for sure if all of their stories are accurate… but I listened.

I began to notice how many of them were talking about seeing “Christians” in hell due to unforgiveness and falling back to the world’s activities, etc. To give you a little history, I had recently written a post on my site regarding whether or not those who practice homosexuality will go in the rapture of the church. This post was brought on by a study that Jack Kelley wrote.

After I wrote my article, I received a comment that brought up the question of “Once Saved, Always Saved”. Well, I responded that this was a topic that has been debated throughout the church for a long time and there are many reasons why both sides take up their case for or against this idea. I shared that I would try and write an article covering why some believe this to be in error.

I had a few epiphanies during this study and then I came across the video I have included on this page (site). The video is a 58 minute sermon that is completely accurate and extremely convicting. After watching this video, it just made me want to sit in silence and contemplate… then pray.

See, I remember a time when I had that much conviction and zeal. Over the years I have been worn down by life and my faith has been tested to the max… and I am sure it will continue to be. I have been missing who I once was in Christ and I am sure that He has been missing me. Sure, I wrote articles to share the truth with any who will listen and I always stand my ground when put in a situation to defend my faith… but true conviction and zeal… its been awhile.

This video has cut through all of the glory gumption and gotten right to the heart of the matter, which is exactly where we all need to be in these last days. I am not willing to take the chance that the comfortable laziness I have partaken of in my relationship with Christ might cause me to miss Him all together. So, I challenge you, as I will endeavor to do myself, to reawaken the strongest desires you have had for the Lord and gain the boldness of the warriors we were called to be in the house of the Lord. Time is so short and we may never get a second chance!

If you do not know where to look for the video, I am including it here. I highly encourage you to watch it without distraction… be convicted whole heatedly and make a life altering change for Christ. Please share this video with any you may feel should see it… I am sure there are more who need to see this than you may realize.

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Infant Blues

Posted by truthoughts on December 31, 2008

I have had a hard time today and lately at different times. As many of you know from reading my “About Me” page, I have lost 5 babies. Well, it is difficult during the holidays. Also, I watched a movie tonight that had a young couple loose their baby right after it was born. It was heart wrenching.

When I go to Walmart or a department store at the mall, etc. and pass by the baby sections… I have to just look away. Seeing the baby clothes just tears me up inside. We had decorated a nursery in classic pooh, so whenever I see that, I feel like running to the nearest exit.

Sometimes – most times, I just feel numb to it all. I suppose that is necessary to continue with life, but other times it just hits me. It normally hits at very inopportune times. Sometimes I am afraid to really let it all out because I feel like I just won’t stop crying. I have had those moments over the years. In the still dark corners of the house, when no one is around… I will weep quietly and pray that the Lord will just wrap His arms around me and comfort me to the very depths of my soul. At times, I feel as though I am shaking from those same depths and all I can do is rock myself like a child.

I am plagued with memories of hope immediately thrashed to pieces like slivered glass from a mirror image… shattered.

I wonder how it will all end up in the end, in eternity. I know that things don’t work out quite the same as far as being married, having children, etc. but I wonder if there is something for those who couldn’t have children in this life… special. It may not matter once we are there, I’m sure… but it would be nice. It gives something to look forward to now I suppose.

Not having children, leaves you in a separate category in life relationships. There is no relation between you and others who have children. Life changes us one way or another and because of that we draw closer to some and farther away from others because of similarity and such.

Bradley and I were talking the other day how ironic it is when you make the transition between being single to being a couple. They have “singles” groups at churches and social groups, but as soon as some two people become a couple, their relationship with their “single” friends changes inevitably.

Then, for a while perhaps, they are a couple without children. This is its own group that is occupied mostly by younger couples in their twenties. Then once they begin having children, it changes their relationship with those who have not had them yet, just as it did with their single friends. However, what happens if you never graduate to that “parent” category? Your just stuck in limbo with the twenty somethings until they move on. Age and maturity change us as well, so the relative association of the “category” we are in becomes very unique and it is hard to find others to relate to.

Bradley and I will never have any children. This is a fact. There are extenuating circumstances that I do not always go into publically, so it is difficult when we receive responses like, “Just give it time”. I know that is a typically generated response because it is an uncomfortable topic and people do not know how else to respond. Sometimes it is just better to say, “I am so sorry to hear that”.

I would like to include this video that captures a small portion of what it feels like after you loose a baby.

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A Birthday I will NEVER forget!

Posted by truthoughts on August 14, 2008

For this birthday, I almost ended up in the hospital… As you can see by the pictures below, it left a lasting impression! My birthday was on August 13th and I had a decent day thanks to my husband. The incident which brought on the pics below happened a couple days before it though…

Bradley and I were coming home from the store and it was beginning to rain, so I hurried to the back of the car to get our bags from the store out of the trunk. As I was doing this, Bradley said “Ow” because he had hit his knee on the door as he was trying to get out of the car. I felt bad so I wanted to hurry even faster so that he wouldn’t have to be in the rain any longer than he might have been otherwise. Well, this was to my detriment.

As I opened the trunk, the door flew upward quite fast and as I was beginning to lean in to grab the bags it started its decent. Luckily, I noticed it was coming down though not quick enough because I began to look up right as it hit me on the bridge of the nose. My reaction instinct was to raise my right arm in an attempt to take the brunt of the blow. Well, it is a good thing that I did as you can see from the pictures. The trunk door hit my nose first, then my arm and as it began to swing back upward, it smacked me in the forehead along the way. Oh my gosh, it hurt so badly. I wasn’t sure what to grab onto first, my nose or my arm… my forehead was an after-thought. Needless to say, Bradley had to stay out in the rain longer to get the bags since I couldn’t hold them at this point. I ran to the door to our home and kept saying how bad of a bruise it was going to be. Bradley just kept asking if I was ok, he felt so bad.  Well, over the next few days… today included, we see the bruises changing colors like a twisted and demented rainbow. LOL.

Bradley went to the store and asked the Pharmacist what would be the best medicine for the pain and swelling. The Pharmacist recommended Ibuprofen, so that is what I took all day the day it happened. On my birthday though, I didn’t want to take anything because they made me feel very loopy. However, the pain was still very strong… so I really couldn’t do very much.

Bradley was a sweetie though. He sent me some ecards and made me a cute little sign for me to wake up to by the bed that wished me a happy birthday. He gave me my favorite roses (fire and ice) and left a card for me on my pillow so that I would find it when I was ready for bed. He also got me a gorgeous and decadent cake with the best tasting strawberry I have ever had! The chocolate is so rich and thick! Though it looks like a small cake, its quality is amazing and feels like a huge cake! Oh, he also promised to clean the entire house for me ~ Wow, what more could a girl ask for!!! (a man willing to do housework and chocolate – LOL! He is my prince!

 

I received many emails wishing me happy birthday with some ecards from friends all over, while others called to sing. I felt really badly though because I wasn’t really in a good place for phone conversations and those I did manage to talk to… I probably sounded drugged – oh my!

Well, I do not like taking medications, so I have been trying very hard to hold off when I can but the pain is still there. I am glad that I have kitties because they are a great distraction when I am not feeling well. The kitties always are doing something funny, silly or cute. I am going out to dinner with my family this weekend for my birthday and I am excited about that. I always love seeing my niece and nephew, they are great kids. My niece and nephew made pictures and framed them for Bradley on his birthday, so I am excited to see what they have done for mine! I hung up their pictures as soon as we got home from Bradley’s dinner. My niece is 8 and my nephew is 7, so their art work is so sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, another thing that Bradley is working on for my birthday… kind of a late birthday gift, is a photo montage video of me growing up. I am very excited to see how that comes up. I will be sure to share it here with all of you as soon as he has it posted on youtube. He really loves being creative like that. He is so fun! I am so blessed to have married my best friend! He has always been able to make me laugh, even in the toughest times.

Anyway, I will be sure to write about how my birthday dinner goes. Maybe I can share some pictures of it all here for you to see. So, thank you for stopping by and reading about my birthday experiences. I hope that you come back again soon to see how my birthday meal goes… you may get a laugh!

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My Salvation

Posted by truthoughts on June 4, 2008

Today, I thought that I would share with you my salvation testimony. When I was younger, from birth, my grandmother and my dad would take me to church. They were Catholic. Though they never told me how to be saved, they told me who God was and who Jesus was, etc.

I remember whenever my dad would take me, he would always do the same rituals, which I did not understand why… I asked him one day and he said, “That’s just what you do”… well, that wasn’t good enough for me, but I thought it was fun at the time.

When we would enter the sanctuary part, we would turn to either the right or the left and there would be a bronze bowl attached to the wall, which held water, supposedly holy water. With this, he would take his two fingers (index and middle), dip it into the water, then proceed to move in a cross formation from his head to his chest, then from shoulder to shoulder.

Once this was done, we would walk down the isle to whatever pew he wanted to sit in. At this point, he would kneel down to the side of the pew before entering… he would kneel on one knee and perform the cross maneuvers which ended with him kissing his index finger knuckle. Once this was completed, he would proceed to his desired seat.

I remember the pews had those knee rest cushions that you drop down when you are going to kneel and pray, he would do this almost immediately after sitting. While he prayed, I would look around at all of the statues and stained glass as well as the gothic style lanterns, which hung from the ceiling.

My favorite part was lighting the prayer candles. I guess I just liked candles. Well, over time, my dad left the Catholic church for true Christianity… A Christianity without praying to idols. His last experience with the Catholic church was when they began to tell the congregation that they had to kiss the statue of Mary’s feet so that she would grant their prayers. How absurd he thought. So, he left.

When I was 10, I had already become quite familiar with God and Jesus… other than the part about ‘getting’ saved. For some reason, no one ever told me about that part. So, one day a Pastor came by our home and my mom let him in. He sat on the couch and proceeded to tell my mom about salvation.

Well, I just got soooo excited that I didn’t want to wait. I kept interrupting him, trying to get him to let me be saved, but he kept on telling me to wait for my mom. He believed that my mom should be saved first so that she would be my elder in the Body of Christ. This was a Baptist Pastor.

Gratefully, my mom accepted Christ and so did I – finally! So, the next thing on the list was our baptism. We were baptized shortly thereafter, which I was very excited about too.

I began to memorize some verses from Sunday School and some songs/hymns. I loved going to church. I would invite every one of my friends; this seemed to impress the Pastor… I just loved church.

After some time, we ended up having to move out of state… this also ended us going to church. I found out later from my mom that there was a new black family who had come to our church and the members snubbed them… well, this did not sit well with my mom, so she became somewhat jaded towards church.

So, when I was about 13, my brother became involved in the Word of Faith movement with Benny Hinn, etc. and it was at this time that I learned more about the Holy Spirit and the gifts of the Spirit… not knowing how deceptive this movement was or would be, but none the less, I learned some things.

My brother taught me about the “name it and claim it” gospel, which I tried and it worked. Well, for some things anyway…

Then one day, to be exact… it was the day of the Oklahoma bombing… I had stayed home from school (I was in college at the time) and I watched it nonstop on television. I was horrified and thought it was so hard to believe. With that, I heard a pastor on television talking about the plagues in Egypt in the Bible with Moses, so I thought to myself… “I don’t know what plagues there were, in what order they happened, etc.” I thought, “How do I know if this guy is even telling the truth?”

So, I decided that I couldn’t believe or serve a God that I knew nothing about and the only way to find out what pleases Him or really ticks Him off, was to read His Word. That day was the first day that I began reading through the Bible from cover to cover. When I had finished, almost a year later, I was a completely different person.

During that time was when my dad had passed away, which is a story for another day.

I threw out all of my old CD’s and anything that wasn’t pleasing to God. I changed my friends and my focus. It was amazing! I had a very close friend who was like a brother to me at the time and he didn’t know what was going on with me. I knew that if I told him everything then he would think I was crazy… he couldn’t handle the truth in its entirety all upfront, so I asked God that when my friend was ready, to have him ask me questions that he was ready to hear the answers to and I would tell him.

So, that is what I did. Over a period of a couple of months he would ask some questions and all I would do is answer them, as to the point as possible and then I would stop talking about it. He later said that he was shocked that I didn’t just force it down his throat like others have. Anyway, after a couple of months, he decided to accept Christ as his Lord and Savoir and he was baptized. To this day, he has been through a lot but he is still true to the Word and standing firm in his faith.

That year taught me a lot about being patient and trusting in God for comfort and strength. I learned how to understand what was actually right and wrong because the world does not teach that… the world waters down what is wrong and attacks what is right.

That was the beginning of my journey. I have had many ups and downs through the years and I will probably have many more for as long as I am here, but my hope is that I will continue to grow closer to the Lord through His Word and be the witness He has called me to be.

If you would like to know more about salvation, please visit: The Gift of Salvation

Alison Krauss “Down In The River To Pray (Live) – Video

Posted in Christian Life, Diary, Emotions, Faith, Family, Friends, Journal, Life, Memories, Personal, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

A Little More About Me – Part III

Posted by truthoughts on June 4, 2008

Part I
Part II

Story II: The death of my grandmother

My grandmother, my dad’s mother, was my best friend growing up. I loved her beyond words and I was her favorite, so her death really affected me deeply. The really sad thing was that my mom and I were going to visit her the next weekend.

At the time, we lived in Arizona and my grandmother lived in California… so the drive there was about a day.

Well, I was at a friend’s house getting ready to have a sleep over party (I had just turned 13 the month before), when my mom called my friend’s parents. As soon as they got off the phone with her, they told me that I had to get my things because my mom was coming to pick me up. I asked why, but they wouldn’t tell me anything. So, I gathered my things and waited.

During my wait, my mind imagined everything it could be… but I just couldn’t figure it out. I became upset that I wasn’t going to be able to stay with my friends.

Once my mom got there, I kept asking her what was going on but she wouldn’t say anything. I asked her if I had done something wrong and she said no, but that was all she would say.

Finally, when we got home… we walked into the house and my mom told me to sit down. All of a sudden, like a flood as thick as blood, shot through my entire being. I looked up at my mom and said, “Who died?”.

She just stared at me with a shocked face…

Silence fell for about 30 seconds, though it felt like 30 minutes.

I asked, “Was it dad or grandma?”.

Again, silence with a stare.

Finally, after I thought I would never get an answer, she said, “Yes”…. “It was your grandma”.

Well, shock ran through my body and numbed my brain… I looked off so that I could digest all that she was about to say. I then asked, “What happened?”.

She then proceeded to tell me that my grandmother was on her way to pick up her social security check, and while crossing the street, she was hit by a car.

Well, that is all I knew until we met with my dad a couple days before the funeral. Apparently, my grandmother had hidden her check in the bottom of her purse and placed a small box of Kleenex on top of it so that my cousin, who was about 7 at the time, couldn’t find it… he had a bad habit of going through her things.

So, because she couldn’t see it and she was beginning to get Alzheimer’s… she forgot she put it there. Well, on her way to church – walking – she saw the SS office across the street and remembered that she thought she had not received her check for that month… so, she began to cross the street.

The street was a fairly busy street and in the median, there were some bushes. The driver never saw her until it was too late. She hit the front bumper, flew up to the window, cracked her head on the metal piece that separates the windshield from the side window and continued over the car until she came down onto the street.

She lay in a coma for a few hours while my dad said his good byes, then she died. My dad said that he was holding her hand and she squeezed it, but the doctors told him it was involuntary.

When I saw my grandmother at her viewing, it was the first time I had ever seen a dead person up close. I knew she wasn’t in that shell – it made me feel empty. I felt lost being in California without her there.

I went to her house and sat out front in her yard… she had these ½ stoop pillars that I would sit on as a young child and watch the birds. I tried to remember being with her and the conversations that we had. I knew that I wanted something to remember her by, so I took her nametag from when she would volunteer at the hospital. I still have it.

My little cousin, who is 6 years younger than I, was paranoid by her body. He didn’t want to go anywhere near her. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t her and it wouldn’t bite him, but he was 7.

So, that is more detail into that story. I will continue my history in a later post. Please subscribe to my blog so that you will not miss anything.

Posted in Christian Life, death, Diary, Emotions, Family, Journal, Life, Memories, People, Personal, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, thoughts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Coffee Memories With Friends

Posted by truthoughts on May 19, 2008

A cup of coffee and a chat with friends… this is what I miss the most. I am reminded of past friends and joys, by a fellow blogger that I read. So, I thought that I would write about that today.

I enjoyed nothing more than sitting with a close friend, drinking coffee and chatting about everything and nothing all at once. Growing up, through my teens and early twenties, I had some very close friends… the kind that you always knew what the other was thinking and could have conversations without words, just with a look – you would know.

Over the years, life has changed, through moving and growing in different paths, but the memories stayed behind, for comfort, for strength, for joyful thoughts.

There is something to be said about drinking caffeine in a free and inspiring attmosphere with eclectic music playing in the background. Sharing memories, sharing thoughts, laughing until you cry… these are the memories that I recall. These memories make me sigh.

One other enjoyment that we would have, is watching the people come and go. People watching: The art of studying the habitual rotation of the human spieces in the act of their behavior, while wondering if the person watching is the same.

I remember at times, laughing so hard at something that didn’t really make any sense, all were sure that someone was going to explode coffee through their nose. Ah, the memories…

Nowdays, the lines are longer, the prices are higher and the friends are fewer. Starbucks once was the place to go… in fact, it was the only place to go, but now, competition moves in and the enjoyment comes again. There is a little place that has just opened up in this area called Saxby’s Coffee. They, Saxby’s, are what Starbucks once was and hopes to be again, though unlikely to be obtained by Starbucks.

The coffee is great, the employees are extremely nice and their consistancy is unbeatable. I guess this is what happens when you start getting older, rationalization. When you are younger, you could drink muddy water as long as there was good music and friends around. Not so for me now.

Now, the rationale kicks in to say…”If I am going to pay x amount of money for this cup of coffee, it better be worth it”. Oh my, how times have changed.

So, now we have a Kiereg coffee maker, which is the best appliance in our home. It makes one cup of either, coffee, tea or hot chocolate, at a time. It pre-brews the water so it is ready at all times. You buy these little cuplettes of your favorite flavor (they come in all kinds), place it into the dispenser, push the button and whola, your drink is served. Then the best part is that to clean it, you just trow the cuplette away and prestow, it’s clean! I am in coffee heaven!

Oh, did I mention it is much cheaper than going to a coffee house??? I still get all of the flavors I want. Granted, you don’t get to people watch, unless it is through the window or on tv, but hey, it’s practically free.

So now, if I need to, I can have my coffee while listening to whatever music I like, then if I want to people watch, I can go to the mall or something… they can be just as entertaining there. The only thing left, is to figure out the friend part, since I now live so far out of town, it would be a road trip to visit…

So, for now, I will enjoy my coffee while listening to my music and reading the blogs that I love to read and thinking of the memories that once were and the memories that will be…

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