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    • I Will Rest In You
      It has been a long time since I was able to post here and recently was encouraged to start posting again.  I will start by posting a video for those who are battle weary from the spiritual onslaught going on during these last days.  Be encouraged, replenished, and comforted… you are not alone.
    • The Word as an Onion
        Too many merely accept the Word on the surface.  They pick and choose this verse or that and build their doctrine out of it.  One instance for example is that in regard to adultery.  God’s Word says that you should not commit adultery; wherefore, those who have not slept with someone outside of their […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone
      40 Days of Challenge Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone           Positive Practices   Philippians 2:14 (KJV) “Do all things without murmurings (grumbling) and disputings”   Have you ever found yourself making an effort to go out of your way for someone only to find that they respond without […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 5 Dare to be Different
      40 Days of Challenge Day 5 Dare to be Different   The Post-It Challenge Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil (calamity), to give you an expected end (a future and a hope).” Isaiah 55:11-12 (KJV) “So shall My […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness
      40 Days of Challenge Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness   Self Control James 1:19-20 (KJV)  “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not (does not produce) the righteousness of God.” Many times in our human relationships, we find […]
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Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

A Life in the balance

Posted by truthoughts on March 16, 2009

Now, as I write this… my long time friend’s mother is being taken off of life support. My emotions are running the gammot during this time, so I thought I would write about it.

My friend, lets call her “H”, and I have known each other for about 13 years. I spent so much time at her house and her at mine. I always loved when her mom, lets call her “M”, was around. M was always so nice, outgoing and positive. I remember M telling us about dreams she would have about God and heaven.

Sadly, the last time that I saw M was at my wedding. M and H both came to my wedding in 2003. I have seen H through the years but never got to see M. The past year hasn’t been the easiest for them. M was diagnosed with lung cancer and had to have one of her lungs removed and part of her other lung too. Later, they found more cancer in her remaining lung. Well, the cancer transgressed into one of her arteries which caused her to bleed into her lung. She called 911 on Monday when she began to cough up blood.

The hospital had to sedate her to put her on a respirator and she has been unconscious since then. The family prayed and decided to remove the respirator today around 4pm. I just received a text message from H around 5pm stating that M was breathing at the moment. So, as of this moment to my knowledge, M is still alive. H said that if M doesn’t make it, then the funeral would be on Thursday. We have been praying and requesting prayer from all of our connections. In the end, God’s will, will be done.

I just now received another text stating that M is breathing about 10 breaths per minute.

I have been racking my brain and praying to try and figure out what exactly to say to H when it is all said and done. I am just not sure. I know that God will give me the right words and / or actions when it is time. Loosing a parent is difficult but I cannot imagine loosing your mother when you are a female. There is a bond there, despite the growing pains that we all experience through the years, that cannot be matched. H is only 29.

One major blessing for H is that she has had this extra time with M to say and do the things they needed to between the first bout with cancer and now. M said that she was very grateful for this time as well. H’s husband just lost his mother about a year ago. They truly have had a rough couple of years.

Right now I am thinking about how M always loved doing the “fun” stuff us girls wanted to do. She was great like that. She was the head of her Red Hat Ladies club… it was just like her.

Well, please pray for peace for the family and the strength to get through this. They are all Christians, which is a strong comfort in its self. Thank you for reading this and for your prayers. If you would like to leave a comment for H or her family… I will pass them along.

Take time to share with those you love now, your love towards them.

***************

PRAISE JESUS!!! She woke up and is breathing on her own. She said that she saw Jesus and that she is going to live!!! Please keep praying!!!

***************

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Conviction

Posted by truthoughts on January 10, 2009

During the last week or so, I have been struggling a bit regarding my time here… not here on this site, I mean here on this planet. See, recently my husband and I have been given an opportunity to work together in a new business. This couldn’t come at a better time, however, it has taken up much of our time.

I have been struggling over this because I see how our time here is so short. So many things are happening around the world that have been prophesied about throughout the Bible. Well, the other day I was searching through Youtube and as many of you know… you may begin searching for one thing and end up watching all sorts of videos that do not even have anything to do with what you originally searched for. Its like a brain that goes off on a tangent. LOL!

So, anyway… back to my point 😉

Somehow I ended up on videos that were about people who have died and came back. These individuals were converted to Christianity because of this. These videos drew me in and intrigued me greatly because they described heaven and hell. Well, I found it interesting in some due to their descriptions. Now, I do not know for sure if all of their stories are accurate… but I listened.

I began to notice how many of them were talking about seeing “Christians” in hell due to unforgiveness and falling back to the world’s activities, etc. To give you a little history, I had recently written a post on my site regarding whether or not those who practice homosexuality will go in the rapture of the church. This post was brought on by a study that Jack Kelley wrote.

After I wrote my article, I received a comment that brought up the question of “Once Saved, Always Saved”. Well, I responded that this was a topic that has been debated throughout the church for a long time and there are many reasons why both sides take up their case for or against this idea. I shared that I would try and write an article covering why some believe this to be in error.

I had a few epiphanies during this study and then I came across the video I have included on this page (site). The video is a 58 minute sermon that is completely accurate and extremely convicting. After watching this video, it just made me want to sit in silence and contemplate… then pray.

See, I remember a time when I had that much conviction and zeal. Over the years I have been worn down by life and my faith has been tested to the max… and I am sure it will continue to be. I have been missing who I once was in Christ and I am sure that He has been missing me. Sure, I wrote articles to share the truth with any who will listen and I always stand my ground when put in a situation to defend my faith… but true conviction and zeal… its been awhile.

This video has cut through all of the glory gumption and gotten right to the heart of the matter, which is exactly where we all need to be in these last days. I am not willing to take the chance that the comfortable laziness I have partaken of in my relationship with Christ might cause me to miss Him all together. So, I challenge you, as I will endeavor to do myself, to reawaken the strongest desires you have had for the Lord and gain the boldness of the warriors we were called to be in the house of the Lord. Time is so short and we may never get a second chance!

If you do not know where to look for the video, I am including it here. I highly encourage you to watch it without distraction… be convicted whole heatedly and make a life altering change for Christ. Please share this video with any you may feel should see it… I am sure there are more who need to see this than you may realize.

Posted in Christian Life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Infant Blues

Posted by truthoughts on December 31, 2008

I have had a hard time today and lately at different times. As many of you know from reading my “About Me” page, I have lost 5 babies. Well, it is difficult during the holidays. Also, I watched a movie tonight that had a young couple loose their baby right after it was born. It was heart wrenching.

When I go to Walmart or a department store at the mall, etc. and pass by the baby sections… I have to just look away. Seeing the baby clothes just tears me up inside. We had decorated a nursery in classic pooh, so whenever I see that, I feel like running to the nearest exit.

Sometimes – most times, I just feel numb to it all. I suppose that is necessary to continue with life, but other times it just hits me. It normally hits at very inopportune times. Sometimes I am afraid to really let it all out because I feel like I just won’t stop crying. I have had those moments over the years. In the still dark corners of the house, when no one is around… I will weep quietly and pray that the Lord will just wrap His arms around me and comfort me to the very depths of my soul. At times, I feel as though I am shaking from those same depths and all I can do is rock myself like a child.

I am plagued with memories of hope immediately thrashed to pieces like slivered glass from a mirror image… shattered.

I wonder how it will all end up in the end, in eternity. I know that things don’t work out quite the same as far as being married, having children, etc. but I wonder if there is something for those who couldn’t have children in this life… special. It may not matter once we are there, I’m sure… but it would be nice. It gives something to look forward to now I suppose.

Not having children, leaves you in a separate category in life relationships. There is no relation between you and others who have children. Life changes us one way or another and because of that we draw closer to some and farther away from others because of similarity and such.

Bradley and I were talking the other day how ironic it is when you make the transition between being single to being a couple. They have “singles” groups at churches and social groups, but as soon as some two people become a couple, their relationship with their “single” friends changes inevitably.

Then, for a while perhaps, they are a couple without children. This is its own group that is occupied mostly by younger couples in their twenties. Then once they begin having children, it changes their relationship with those who have not had them yet, just as it did with their single friends. However, what happens if you never graduate to that “parent” category? Your just stuck in limbo with the twenty somethings until they move on. Age and maturity change us as well, so the relative association of the “category” we are in becomes very unique and it is hard to find others to relate to.

Bradley and I will never have any children. This is a fact. There are extenuating circumstances that I do not always go into publically, so it is difficult when we receive responses like, “Just give it time”. I know that is a typically generated response because it is an uncomfortable topic and people do not know how else to respond. Sometimes it is just better to say, “I am so sorry to hear that”.

I would like to include this video that captures a small portion of what it feels like after you loose a baby.

Posted in Christian Life | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

My Myers-Briggs Personality Profile, What is Yours?

Posted by truthoughts on May 24, 2008

My husband started a discussion the other day regarding the Myers-Briggs personality test. You can see what you rank by Clicking Here. So, I thought that I would share my results with you here. My test says that I rank as an “ISFJ”, which means the following:

( I = 67%) ( S = 1%) ( F = 12%) ( J = 78%)

Click here for Source below:

ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their “need to be needed.” In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of “service” is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)

ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted–even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating (“If you want it done right, do it yourself”). And although they’re hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they’re getting, it’s somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don’t call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they’ve bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle–and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being “nice” as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones–although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment’s notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don’t expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven’t known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for “sulking,” the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided “good manners.” An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ’s unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they “didn’t want to burden anyone with.” Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.


Functional Analysis
by Joe Butt

Introverted Sensing

As for ISTJs, the dominant Si is oriented toward the world of forms, essences, generics. Again, “for both of the IS_J types, the sense of propriety comes from the clear definition of these internal forms. … A ‘proper’ chair has four legs,” etc. (Jung saw IS as something of an oxymoron: sensing, which is a perceiving function, focused inward and thus away from that which is perceived (the “object”). In this light, he described this sensing as something removed from reality, full of archetypes/mythical figures/hobgoblins; sensing of one’s own set of forms.)

Extraverted Feeling

A kind of “regression toward the mean” provided by the Fe auxiliary function serves to socialize the expression of these forms. I suppose it’s the auxiliary nature of this Feeling, coupled with the balancing effect of {detachment from the internal idiosyncratic view of free-floating data perceptions} that makes ISFJs tentative, conservative, and reticent to boldly state the rights and wrongs in the relational world. (Loosely translated, ISFJs like to keep their perceptions to themselves, and aren’t sure enough that what they “see” as Introverted Sensors has any relevance to the outside world. Thus the perception, based on unworldly data, may not be true. The obedient Extraverted Feeling function must therefore refrain from strong statements expressing these opinions.)

Introverted Thinking

Introverted Thinking is turned inward and is largely invisible. It is only with great difficulty, if at all, that the ISFJ could willingly commit anyone to their doom. Perhaps this explains why ISFJs are loyal to the end; there is no sense of purely objective (i.e., impersonal) judgement of anyone but themselves (and that only by their own standards). Here is this type’s achilles heel that makes many of them so vulnerable to the scoundrels and ne’er-do-wells who often use and abuse them.

Extraverted iNtuition

ISFJs are easily undone by Extraverted iNtuition, their inferior function. Believing in the fantastic, and disbelieving the technologically extant, are errors that my guide the gullible (or unfoundedly sceptical) ISFJ off a precipice of mis-conclusion. (One of our co-workers’ mothers adamantly refused to believe that Dave Letterman’s mom was actually at the olympics in Norway talking with the athletes and handing out hams! She suspected technological trickery.)

This childlike Ne is, however, the likely source (coupled with fun-loving Extraverted Feeling) of the practical joking, punning and (usually harmless) impishness of some ISFJs.

Famous ISFJs:

St. Teresa of Avila (Teresa de Jesus)
Louisa May Alcott
Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Queen Elizabeth II of England
Robert E. Lee
Queen Mary I (“Bloody Mary”) of England

Fictional:
Bianca in Taming of the Shrew
David Copperfield
Hero in Much Ado About Nothing
Melanie in Gone With The Wind
Ophelia in Hamlet
Dr. John H. Watson, M.D. (Sherlock Holmes’ faithful sidekick)

U.S. Presidents:
William Howard Taft

Johnny Carson, comedian
Robin Roberts (Good Morning America)
Kristi Yamaguchi, US Olympic figure skater
Ed Bradley, journalist

Also, another take on the ISFJ personality profile is listed Here. This one states the following:

Guardian™ Portrait of the Protector (ISFJ) Wanting to be of service to others, Protectors find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden, and can deal with disability and neediness in others better than any other type. They are not as outgoing and talkative as the Provider Guardians [ESFJs], and their shyness is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves to those in need.

Their reserve ought really to be seen as an expression of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. The most diligent of all the types, Protectors are willing to work long, hard hours quietly doing all the thankless jobs that others manage to avoid. Protectors are quite happy working alone; in fact, in positions of authority they may try to do everything themselves rather than direct others to get the job done. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for them. When Protectors undertake a task, they will complete it if humanly possible. They also know better than any other type the value of a dollar, and they abhor the squandering or misuse of money. To save, to put something aside against an unpredictable future, to prepare for emergencies-these are actions near and dear to the Protector’s heart. For all these reasons, Protectors are frequently overworked, just as they are frequently misunderstood and undervalued. Their contributions, and also their economies, are often taken for granted, and they rarely get the gratitude they deserve.

Mother Teresa, George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Steward, and Tsar Nicholas II are examples of Protector Guardian style.

We are lucky that Protectors make up as much as ten percent the population, because their primary interest is in the safety and security of those they care about – their family, their circle of friends, their students, their patients, their boss, their fellow-workers, or their employees. Protectors have an extraordinary sense of loyalty and responsibility in their makeup, and seem fulfilled in the degree they can shield others from the dirt and dangers of the world. Speculating and experimenting do not intrigue Protectors, who prefer to make do with time-honored and time-tested products and procedures rather than change to new. At work Protectors are seldom happy in situations where the rules are constantly changing, or where long-established ways of doing things are not respected. For their part, Protectors value tradition, both in the culture and in their family. Protectors believe deeply in the stability of social ranking conferred by birth, titles, offices, and credentials. And they cherish family history and enjoy caring for family property, from houses to heirlooms.

According to This Site, I am well suited for the following jobs:

Art/Technical

Translator, Computer Programming, Graphic Design, Industrial, Interior, Engineering

Customer Service

Accounting/Bookkeeping, Paralegal

Social Service

Religious Education, Counseling

Health Care

Health Care Administration, Medical/Dental Assistant, Nursing, Radiologic Technician

If you take the personality profile test, feel free to let me know what you scored. It is interesting to see how close the results actually are. Mine are pretty much on the nose, how about yours?

Also, if you would like, you can check out my husband’s post regarding this topic, Here, and list your score in the comments. Once you do that, he will add you to the list he has compiled there on his site, along with your blog in the category you fall under.

Posted in Journal, Life, Miscellaneous, Musings, People, Personal, Philosophy, Reflections, Relationships | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

What Is Your Favorite Childhood Memory???

Posted by truthoughts on May 17, 2008

My favorite childhood memory:

I had previously gone to a forum that had a thread topic of “What is your favorite childhood memory”… So, I replied about mine and I thought I would share that here as well.

When I was younger, I would love to go outside at night because it was so much more peaceful and quiet than in the day time when everyone is running about. There was a place that I would like to go and lay down flat so that I could look up at the sky and see all of the vast array of stars.

As I would lay there in silience, I would think about how big I thought the universe was and if it were that big, how big is heaven beyond it. At times, I would feel myself grasping at the grass blades because it would feel as though I could at any moment, just float off into this black openess.

I really enjoyed at times, being able to look out and see the dome shape of our atmosphere by the galaxy line. That would only happen on very clear nights though.

I would think also about how small it made me feel and how big God must be to have been able to create such a huge amount of things and spaces. It really made me ponder on the power of God and how incredibly greatful I was for Him to care so much about someone so small (in the scheme of things).

Now when I look up and see all of the stars, I imagine how it will be when we are called to be with Him there. What will it feel like, how will it sound, what will I think, what will I say? The thoughts run through my mind like  a slide show of images, trying to capture the moments as they might happen.

The thought of coming face to face with the One who created me, who knew me before I even existed is just mind blowing. I was talking with Bradley last night about how it may feel when He looks in our eyes, knowing that He ‘knows’ us through and through. We, I imagine, will be able to feel Him seeing into the very deepest parts of us, our thoughts, feelings, etc. It is just all so powerful and wonderful, it amazes me to no end.

I wonder what others see when they look up at the night sky on a very clear night… if they live where they can see the stars. Some may think about ufo’s and aliens, or of space novas and asteroids, etc.. Hmm… I wonder. What do you think about when you look into the night sky? Please post your thoughts on this and your favorite childhood memory, in the comments section. I look forward to reading all of your thoughts.

Posted in Christian, Christian Life, Christianity, Comments, Diary, Dreams, Emotions, Faith, Fun, God, Happiness, Inspiration, Jesus, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Photography, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Science, Space, Stories, Uncategorized, universe, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

My Perfect Day

Posted by truthoughts on May 14, 2008

My perfect day would begin by being woken up with breakfast in bed. I would be served eggs over medium, burnt to a crisp bacon, 2 pieces of strawberry jellied toast and a cup of coffee. On the tray would also be rose pettles sprinkeld around the plates and cup. This would be brought to me by my wonderful husband, Bradley, holding a red rose between his beautiful lips.

He would then turn on sweet, soft music that would stir emotions locked deep inside. He would sit by my side as I offer to share my perfectly made and displayed breakfast with him. We would talk of our dreams and of what a wonderful day it would be. He would proceed to tell me that he had already prepared the cats breakfast (we feed them a special breakfast every morning) and that once I was done and ready to go, that he had a special day planned.

Then, as soon as I would be ready, we would leave in a flash with the windows down on a peaceful, sunny day. The wind would whip through my hair as the radio played my favorite song. Immediately upon the song’s end, the DJ would come on and say that this song was dedicated to *me* by *my* beloved husband of 5 years who was going to give me the best day ever because he loves me so.

Bradley would then look over at me with the childlike smile he often carries as his eyes would twinkle in the reflection of light. I would feel consumed by a warm tingly feeling in the inner most parts of me and a deep appreciation for my soulmate.

Our first stop of the day, would be a shopping complex, where every store was unique like a downtown square. Bradley, knowing how much I love to just look at different things, would say that I could have whatever I wanted that day. This pleasing offer would make me giddy like an excited infant, ready to tackle everything before me.

I would find 2 or 3 treasurable items to remind me of this day, though, the day would not be over. Bradley would then take me for lunch, to a quaint little itallian restraunt, hidden to the world, where it feels like the guest is the center of attention. Everything would be perfect… the lighting, the music, the feel, the service and the food.

After lunch, we would proceed to a beachfront in the heat of the day, where the breeze from the ocean would be much appreciated. As we would walk, barefoot through white sands, we would run periodically through the waves that would collide against the shore.

Down the way a bit, would be a man selling bread to feed to the seaguls… so, we would purchase a loaf to see who could throw it the highest and who could get a bird to eat out of their hand. A boy would stand off to the side, holding a kite he was given by his father. Facinated by the intreague of the boy, we would sit and admire.

Then, as it came time for the sun to set, we would walk to a rocky hill.  Climbing up the hill, we would spot the perfect place to watch the sunset. Together we would sit, cuddled and warm while the feeling of stillness and freedom would sweep across our hearts. The magnificient colors portrayed in the sky would be breath taking.

Once the sun would be completely set, we would then go to a very high place (driving of course). There we would walk to a secluded spot in an open field and lay side by side. Looking up at the vast array of stars amidst the blackness of the universe, we would talk about random, out of the ordinary things. The feeling of how incredible everything was and how small we are would run through our thoughts as the impact of posibility toward the lack of gravity, would amaze us, as to how we could stay on the earth and not just float off into space.

After awhile, Bradley would lean over and share a poem that he wrote about me, about us, which would bring me to tears as it would bind our hearts even closer, which we never imagined was possible. Once the day would be done, we would go home and our closeness would be a memory that could not be beat by any poem, movie or dream allowed. This would be my perfect day.

Posted in Christian Life, Comments, Diary, Dreams, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Happiness, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Marriage, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, People, Personal, Philosophy, Poems, Poetry, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Desiring An End From The Beginning

Posted by truthoughts on May 13, 2008

Ok, I am writing this very upset… Everyone knows how corrupt government can be and that people in government have a tendency to ‘personally’ attack others who are either more successful, more popular, etc. than they are. Not all, but it seems that most government officials practice corruption in some way or another. Well, I am experiencing some of that first hand. There is a lady who about 90% of the town doesn’t like because of her brassy personality and some shady-manipulative things that she has done to others, and she has decided to spread lies about me because I choose not to associate myself with her. She calls my house, comes to my home and text messages my husband on a regular basis multiple amounts each time. I do not talk about her in pubic… I try not to talk to her as well. It seems like I just can’t get her to leave me alone. I have politely told her that I am not interested in having a friendship, while staying cordial in public. However, she still will not leave either me or my husband alone.

Well, she called again today and this time my husband answered the phone. He tried to politely explain that we did not want to pursue a relationship with her and explained why (there are specific reasons to point out to her), so she proceeded to lie and accuse me of spreading rumors about her. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am very shy and do not really talk to people much, it is mostly my husband who is the talker and I add a word or two hear and there… My thing is mostly email. That is why I began a blog. Anyway, her accusations would not hold up with anyone who has ever met me and she knows this, so she was just saying it to get under our skin… well, it did.

When she continued repeatedly to say these things to Bradley about me I took the phone and asked her to stop calling us, stop coming by our home, stop text messaging us, etc. I told her that we did not want a relationship with her and that she was lying and needed to stop. She kept trying to interrupt me, but I thought I got my point across so I hung up. She called back immediately and left a message threatening me about rumors that I need to not say anything bad about her (probably because she is worried that someone might find out that we called her out of what all she has done). We don’t want to talk about her, see her, talk to her, etc. The bummer is though, she lives on our street. We purposely go the other way to come and go on our street just to avoid her. This is the time like I was talking about before, where I need to keep reminding myself of that verse: [Psalm 37:7] Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. For that matter, lets look at the entire book of chapter 37. I will separate the chapter in paragraphs to make it easier to read:

Psalm 37

A Psalm of David. Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and he shall bring it to pass. And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth. For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be. But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. The Lord shall laugh at him: for He seeth that his day is coming. The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation. Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken. A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked. For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the Lord upholdeth the righteous.

The Lord knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever. They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied. But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away. The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth. For such as be blessed of Him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed. Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not His saints; they are perserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off. The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever. The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment. The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him. The Lord will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged. Wait on the Lord, and keep His way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree. Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found. Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace. But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off. Buth the salvationof the righteous is of the Lord: He is their strength in the time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him.

This chapter brings some comfort in the midst of the moment. Everyone has to go through stages of emotions when dealing with situations like this. Obviously, anger is the first emotion. Once that subsides, then possibly pity kicks in for the other person… at that point, you may be able to bring yourself to pray for them, with the help of God. Hopefully, at that point, you will be able to actively forgive them and move on… though most people like this tend to repeatedly cause the offense and you find yourself continually having to work through the same emotions on a regular basis… but as they say, what doesn’t kill you (hopefully) makes you stronger. I will not lash out, I will pray. I will not be consumed by this, I will be filled with the Word of God. I will not hold on to this, I will let it go to God. I can only pray for His help right now, but I know that He is faithful to follow-through where I am weak. His will be done.

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Finding Something In Nothing

Posted by truthoughts on May 9, 2008

Finding Something In Nothing

There are two days coming this weekend, which strike strong emotion in me because of what they represent. First is my 5-year wedding anniversary on Saturday. Yes, Bradley and I have been married for 5 years now… Some days seem like we have been together for ages past and others like we are just beginning. I suppose that is the way everyone feels at times. This is a happy occasion and I am very excited about how far we have come, however, a solemn one quickly follows this.

The second is mother’s day. For all of you who have read “About Me”, know that Bradley and I have lost 5 babies in the first 4 years of our marriage. The trauma that went along with those pregnancies and the losses that followed, leave scars rarely seen but forever deeply felt. During this holiday each year, numbness overcomes me so that the pain won’t over take me. There is no easy way around it… this weekend will be an emotional roller coaster.

So, we begin with attempting to celebrate our love and end with trying to ignore the struggles that strained us to the core. The loss of 5 babies has not been the only struggles that we have faced through the years; it’s just the only one that has a date of remembrance recognized by the world… not to mention the anniversaries of the losses and their proposed birthdays. On the good hand, our relationship has been strengthened and solidified though battered and bruised. I really do not know what I would do without Bradley, he is the love of my life, the best friend of my soul, the other half of my brain.

Bradley and I have spent almost every waking minute together since we were married and it never seems like enough. Some may look at it as a co-dependant relationship because they don’t understand it. Most people aren’t that close to their spouses, which is sad. It is more like at the beginning of a relationship, when you just can’t get enough of the other person… you want to be there to gaze at them and hear everything that they have to say. Our connection is so deep, that at times, we don’t even have to speak – we just know what the other is thinking/wanting/needing, etc. When you are truly with the person whom you are meant to be with, this is how it is.

I of course am not saying that we never disagree and spend any time apart, just very few times. We have learned how to communicate with each other in ways that it makes difficulties easier to work through – this has been a huge difference. When we do sometimes come to an impasse, we pray for the Lord to intervene… and He does. Normally when that happens, everything is cleared up within 10-30 minutes without hard feelings. So, in the nothingness that sadness brings, I will find the something, which is the strength of our relationship and the foundation that we have in our faith.

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