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    • I Will Rest In You
      It has been a long time since I was able to post here and recently was encouraged to start posting again.  I will start by posting a video for those who are battle weary from the spiritual onslaught going on during these last days.  Be encouraged, replenished, and comforted… you are not alone. Advertisements
    • The Word as an Onion
        Too many merely accept the Word on the surface.  They pick and choose this verse or that and build their doctrine out of it.  One instance for example is that in regard to adultery.  God’s Word says that you should not commit adultery; wherefore, those who have not slept with someone outside of their […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone
      40 Days of Challenge Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone           Positive Practices   Philippians 2:14 (KJV) “Do all things without murmurings (grumbling) and disputings”   Have you ever found yourself making an effort to go out of your way for someone only to find that they respond without […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 5 Dare to be Different
      40 Days of Challenge Day 5 Dare to be Different   The Post-It Challenge Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil (calamity), to give you an expected end (a future and a hope).” Isaiah 55:11-12 (KJV) “So shall My […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness
      40 Days of Challenge Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness   Self Control James 1:19-20 (KJV)  “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not (does not produce) the righteousness of God.” Many times in our human relationships, we find […]
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Posts Tagged ‘Memories’

A Little More About Me

Posted by truthoughts on June 1, 2008

I thought that I would write a little more about my life history today. I was born in Southern California but I moved around a lot through the years. Both sides of my grandparents were in the air force, so my parents were somewhat BRATS. Those in the military understand that term, though I do not know the specific acronym of the term. They moved a lot. My mom has been in different countries, though I do not think that my dad has.

 

My grandparents on both sides divorced and so both of my parents came from split families. My dad was married before he met my mom and so was my mom. My dad had another daughter before me and my mom had a son before me. Both of my siblings were quite a bit older than I am.

 

I grew up around my brother but I did not have much contact with my sister. Something happened before me, that caused my sister to resent my dad and therefore resent me. I remember one time, my grandmother, took me to her apartment to try and get her to acknowledge me as her sister, but that did not turn out well. I was about 6 years old at the time.

 

I remember that my sister answered the door, it was night time, and she saw me and slammed the door shut. My grandmother knocked some more until she answered. My grandmother said that she would either see us or my grandmother would never speak to her again. So, my sister’s husband came out and made her let us in. It was awkward to say the least.

 

I was only 6 and I could feel the tension. She kept glaring at me and stating that she would never acknowledge me, while calling me names I should not have heard at that age.  Her children came out from their bedrooms, they were around 3 and under. They asked who I was and my grandmother told them, but my sister said it wasn’t true and for them to go back to bed. I felt so bad.

 

When we left, she said that my grandmother better never bring me around again or she would not forgive her.

 

Well, that was the last time that I saw her until my grandmother’s funeral when I was 13. That too was another awkward interaction. A man came up to me and said, “Oh, did you know that you had a sister?”  I was going to say yes, however, she turned right around and snapped back… she is my HALF sister, then turned back to the front and ignored me the rest of the funeral. The man looked at me with this odd face and just said… “Oh”.

 

Later that same day, at my dad’s house, her and her mother were there… I had gone inside to go to the bathroom, which I couldn’t find. I hadn’t visited my dad since I was 8 because he and my stepmother kidnapped me, so to speak… but that is another story.

 

So, I was going to find the bathroom, when I heard someone saying some really bad things about my mother, who was there with me. I looked back and saw my sister and her mother talking. Her mother called my mom a name and said I was the same, my sister told her to shhh. This surprised me, so I went out and stayed as close to my dad as possible because I knew that they would not say anything around him.

 

I told my mom what had happened much later when she couldn’t make a scene. Ah, the drama.

 

That was the very last time that I ever saw my sister. When my dad died, his sister called her to let her know, but apparently something had happened between the two dates (I was 19 at this time) so that she said that she didn’t have a dad and would not go to the funeral. She didn’t.

 

My aunt, my dad’s sister, would spend the next few days trying to convince me to get in contact with her because she was my sister, but she really didn’t know the extent of her feelings. I would ask others older than me what happened to make her so abusive, but no one would ever tell me.

 

The last I heard, she lived somewhere in Arizona, but that was years ago… so who knows now. I have heard some stories about her childhood from my mom and it wasn’t good. Her mom use to abuse her and my grandmother asked my mom and dad to adopt her from her mother… that she would pay for the legal fees, etc. But my mom said no because she believed that a child should remain with their mother. She thought also that if something happened between her and my dad, then she would end up having to raise her too and she couldn’t afford that.

 

Well, my parents split up when I was 3 ½ years old and we moved from California when I was 4. I would visit at my grandmother’s house because my mom didn’t trust my dad to remember to pick me up from the airport, etc. Well, when the incident happened when I was 8, my mom had to come out from Texas to get me and swore that my dad would never see me again. He only saw me once more, at my grandmother’s funeral. A car hit her but again, that is another story.

 

Well, this post is quite long, so I will post more info about my past later. Be sure to subscribe so you can follow the rest of the story.
Click here for Part II

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Posted in Diary, Emotions, Family, Journal, Life, Memories, People, Personal, Reflections, Relationships | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

A Tribute to Edgar Allan Poe

Posted by truthoughts on May 31, 2008

I have not had much to write about lately, so today, I thought that I would share with you one of my favorite Edgar Allan Poe poems. Most people know him because of “The Raven” and some other short stories that he wrote, but this poem that I will share with you now is one of my favorite works from him. Please enjoy!

To Helen

I saw thee once – once only – years ago;
I must not say how many – but not many.
It was a July midnight; and from out
A full-orbed moon, that, like thine own soul, soaring,
Sought a precipitate pathway up through heaven,
There fell a silvery-silken veil of light,
With quietude, and sultriness, and slumber,
Upon the upturn’d faces of a thousand
Roses that grew in an enchanted garden,
Where no wind dared to stir, unless on tiptoe –
Fell on the upturn’d faces of these roses
That gave out, in return for the love-light,
Their odorous souls in an ecstatic death –
Fell on the upturn’d faces of these roses
That smiled and died in this parterre, enchanted
By thee, and by the poetry of thy presence.

Clad all in white, upon a violet bank
I saw thee half reclining; while the moon
Fell on the upturn’d faces of the roses,
And on thine own, upturn’d – alas, in sorrow!

Was it not Fate that, on this July midnight –
Was it not Fate (whose name is also Sorrow),
that bade me pause before that garden-gate,
To breathe the incense of thsoe slumbering roses?
No footsteps stirred; the hated world all slept,
Save only thee and me. I paused – I looked –
And in an instant all things disappeared.
(Ah, bear in mind this garden was enchanted!)

The pearly lustre of the moon went out;
The mossy banks and the meandering paths,
The happy flowers and the repining trees,
Were seen no more: the very roses’ odors
Died in the arms of the adoring airs.
All – all expired save thee – save less than thou:
Save only the divine light in thine eyes –
Save but the soul in thine uplifted eyes.
I saw but them – they were the world to me.
I saw buth them – saw only them for hours –
Saw only them until the moon went down.
What wild heart-histories seemed to lie enwritten
Upon those crystalline, celestial spheres!
How dark a woe! yet how sublime a hope!
How silently serene a sea of pride!
How daring an ambition! yet how deep –
How fathomless a capacity for love!

But now, at length, dear Dian snak from sight,
Into a western couch of thunder-cloud;
And thou, a ghost, amid the entombing trees
Didst glide away. Only thine eyes remained.
They would not go – they never yet have gone.
Lighting my lonely pathway home that night,
They have not left me (as my hopes have) since.

They follow me – they lead me through the years.
They are my ministers – yet I their slave.
Their office is to illumine and enkindle –
My duty, to be saved by their bright light,
And purified in their electric fire,
And sanctified in their Elysian fire.
They fill my soul with Beauty (which is Hope),
And are far up in heaven – the stars I kneel to
In the sad, silent watches of my night;
While even in the meridian glare of day
I see them still – two sweetly scintillant
Venuses, unextinguished by the sun!

My favorite verse in this poem is, “How fathomless a capacity for love!”. I can just picture the scene and it is beautifully saddening, yet like a blissful dream. I always wanted to be admired like the lady in this poem was. To be so beautiful that an enchanted garden would pale in comparison. I use to sit on my balcony, reading this poem, in the summer evening and imagine how he must have felt. The longing he had brings the deep romantic in me to life.

Growing up with this and other images of love and admiration helped me to hold out for my one true love, which came to me when I was 26 and he was everything that I had hoped for. This poem captures a moment in time, but what I got, is a lifetime.

There are others that I love to read, but this one has always been my favorite. Let me know what you think and what your favorite Edgar Allan Poe writings are.

 

Posted in Comments, Edgar Allan Poe, Emotions, Inspiration, Journal, Life, love, Memories, Musings, People, Personal, Poems, Poetry, Reflections, Relationships, thoughts, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Memorial Day Memories

Posted by truthoughts on May 23, 2008

This weekend is a holiday weekend to honor those who have fought for our freedom. My grandfather is one of those men. My grandfather’s name was Clarence Adam Cordell. He died on Jan. 4, 1964 at the age of 47, barely. (Dec. 10, 1917 – Jan. 4, 1964) S/SGT USAF

My grandfather was in the airforce and was stationed all over the world. He died in San Diego, California. He is laid to rest at the Fort Rosecrans National Cemetary in Plot: X 862, which overlooks the ocean. His plot is at the top of a hill near a cliff.

My husband and I lived in San Diego for about 2 1/2 years and it was then that I was able to go and see where my grandfather was buried. His grave site is in a great place with an absolutly beautiful view. I imagined what his funeral must have been like. My grandfather died way before I was born, so I never got to know him.

From the stories that I have heard, my grandfather was stationed at Roswell before the UFO “incident” and was relocated shortly before it happened. Oh, the stories I might have heard, had he stayed there. Hmmm…

Below are some pictures of the cemetery which can be found on Wikipedia.
 

A tugboat tows the decommissioned aircraft carrier USS Midway towards San Diego Bay past Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery

A helicopter flies past the cemetery.

 I wish I could include actual pictures of where he lies, but we moved before being able to go back to take pictures, so this is the best I can find. These pictures do not do it justice though.

I have another grandfather who served in the airforce as well, but I don’t have any information on him other than his name, Joseph Medina. I never knew him either because he died before I was born as well.

Sadly, I have heard that my grandpa Cordell may not have been a Christian, so I may never get to meet him… My other grandpa, grandpa Joe was a Christian, so I look forward to the day that I get to meet him.

Well, I wish that I had more to say about them, but I really don’t know very much. My grandpa Joe apparently had a building named after him at a Southern California college because he became a professor. Little tid-bits don’t exactly make a whole picture, just a puzzle.

 

 

Posted in Diary, Family, Journal, Life, Memories, People, Personal, Pictures, Reflections, Relationships, Stories | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Memories of Monchhichi Mania

Posted by truthoughts on May 22, 2008

 

Click here for Source

Today I was looking at some old 1980’s decade things like commercials, cartoons, etc. Well, I came across the Monchhichi dolls and cartoon intro:

 

 I just got a huge kick out of this. I use to have one and I loved it dearly. When I was 6 years old, my school had this sale day where kids would go to this room and there would be all kinds of fun things for them to choose. The kid would mark down everything that they wanted, then their parents would fill out another sheet of what they could have. The parent would then send that form with a check to the school and the kid would get whatever their parent let them.

Well, my older cousin also went to my school. I was in 1st grade and she was in 6th grade. The school would have the 6th graders team up with a 1st grader to help them fill out the sheets. Well, apparently my cousin warned her class about me… that I would want everything that I saw… I proved her right.

I was teamed up with a boy in her class and he walked me around the tables, writing everything that I wanted… pretty much everything that was not for boys. When I was done, he said that my cousin said that my mom said that I could only have one thing. I was so sad. To his dismay, at this point, because my options were now very limited, I would have to rewalk the tables and narrow it down to one item. The poor boy was visably upset about this, but he did it anyway.

As you can probably tell, I picked the Monchhichi doll. My doll had a thumb to suck and also a bananna in the other hand that he could put in his mouth.

I kept that doll for many years. I have moved a lot and it probably was sold at a garage sale at some point. I wish that I would have kept it, but there are a lot of nastalgic things I wish that I had still. I wonder how many others enjoyed their Monchhichi dolls as much as I did.

 Click here for Source

 

Posted in Journal, Memories, Musings, Personal, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Stories | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Hillarious Video

Posted by truthoughts on May 20, 2008

I came across this joke a little while back and it made me laugh soooo hard, so I wanted to share it here. The comedian is Anjelah Johnson and she captures it perfectly. For anyone who has ever gotten this done, this video will bring back memories. Enjoy!

Posted in comedy, Comments, Culture, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Funny, Happiness, Humor, Journal, Life, Living, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Rants, Reflections, Relationships, Stories, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Coffee Memories With Friends

Posted by truthoughts on May 19, 2008

A cup of coffee and a chat with friends… this is what I miss the most. I am reminded of past friends and joys, by a fellow blogger that I read. So, I thought that I would write about that today.

I enjoyed nothing more than sitting with a close friend, drinking coffee and chatting about everything and nothing all at once. Growing up, through my teens and early twenties, I had some very close friends… the kind that you always knew what the other was thinking and could have conversations without words, just with a look – you would know.

Over the years, life has changed, through moving and growing in different paths, but the memories stayed behind, for comfort, for strength, for joyful thoughts.

There is something to be said about drinking caffeine in a free and inspiring attmosphere with eclectic music playing in the background. Sharing memories, sharing thoughts, laughing until you cry… these are the memories that I recall. These memories make me sigh.

One other enjoyment that we would have, is watching the people come and go. People watching: The art of studying the habitual rotation of the human spieces in the act of their behavior, while wondering if the person watching is the same.

I remember at times, laughing so hard at something that didn’t really make any sense, all were sure that someone was going to explode coffee through their nose. Ah, the memories…

Nowdays, the lines are longer, the prices are higher and the friends are fewer. Starbucks once was the place to go… in fact, it was the only place to go, but now, competition moves in and the enjoyment comes again. There is a little place that has just opened up in this area called Saxby’s Coffee. They, Saxby’s, are what Starbucks once was and hopes to be again, though unlikely to be obtained by Starbucks.

The coffee is great, the employees are extremely nice and their consistancy is unbeatable. I guess this is what happens when you start getting older, rationalization. When you are younger, you could drink muddy water as long as there was good music and friends around. Not so for me now.

Now, the rationale kicks in to say…”If I am going to pay x amount of money for this cup of coffee, it better be worth it”. Oh my, how times have changed.

So, now we have a Kiereg coffee maker, which is the best appliance in our home. It makes one cup of either, coffee, tea or hot chocolate, at a time. It pre-brews the water so it is ready at all times. You buy these little cuplettes of your favorite flavor (they come in all kinds), place it into the dispenser, push the button and whola, your drink is served. Then the best part is that to clean it, you just trow the cuplette away and prestow, it’s clean! I am in coffee heaven!

Oh, did I mention it is much cheaper than going to a coffee house??? I still get all of the flavors I want. Granted, you don’t get to people watch, unless it is through the window or on tv, but hey, it’s practically free.

So now, if I need to, I can have my coffee while listening to whatever music I like, then if I want to people watch, I can go to the mall or something… they can be just as entertaining there. The only thing left, is to figure out the friend part, since I now live so far out of town, it would be a road trip to visit…

So, for now, I will enjoy my coffee while listening to my music and reading the blogs that I love to read and thinking of the memories that once were and the memories that will be…

Posted in Black and White Photography, Christian Life, Comments, Culture, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Funny, Happiness, Humor, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Music, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Songs, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood…

Posted by truthoughts on May 18, 2008

Today is such a beautiful day that I just had to write about it. There is a nice breeze blowing in through the windows and the sun is shining, illuminating everything with it’s warm glow. The birds are singing and preparing their nests, while the cats are enjoying the view. I have some swing king music on, Chet Baker is playing right now… now it changed to Anita O’Day. Oh, what a perfect day!

I found this picture, trying to capture how this day makes me feel: Click here for Source picture

 This is the kind of day that makes me want to just go for a drive or walk in a park. There use to be this pond where I use to live that had ducks in it and birds all around… I would love to go there and feed them. On really nice days, you could normally find at least 5 – 10 families there feeding the ducks. It was always nice to see the small children having their first experience with an animal almost their size, being able to feed them right from their own hands.

Many times, I would share what bread I had, with them when they would run out – they would be so happy. It was a great place to take children that I was babysitting, they always loved it. We would always have a picnic there as well… ah, memories… Click here for Source picture

 You know, I am beginning to notice how visually focused I am. By writing my blogs, I seem to always want to add images to my posts. I think it breaks it up and gives some color to my writing. Also, as they say, a picture is worth a 1,000 words, right? Well, I hope that everyone is having a great day. I am going to enjoy the weather and allow it to be a peaceful day.

Posted in Christian, Christian Life, Comments, Culture, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Happiness, Inspiration, Journal, Landscape, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Music, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Photography, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Songs, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

What Is Your Favorite Childhood Memory???

Posted by truthoughts on May 17, 2008

My favorite childhood memory:

I had previously gone to a forum that had a thread topic of “What is your favorite childhood memory”… So, I replied about mine and I thought I would share that here as well.

When I was younger, I would love to go outside at night because it was so much more peaceful and quiet than in the day time when everyone is running about. There was a place that I would like to go and lay down flat so that I could look up at the sky and see all of the vast array of stars.

As I would lay there in silience, I would think about how big I thought the universe was and if it were that big, how big is heaven beyond it. At times, I would feel myself grasping at the grass blades because it would feel as though I could at any moment, just float off into this black openess.

I really enjoyed at times, being able to look out and see the dome shape of our atmosphere by the galaxy line. That would only happen on very clear nights though.

I would think also about how small it made me feel and how big God must be to have been able to create such a huge amount of things and spaces. It really made me ponder on the power of God and how incredibly greatful I was for Him to care so much about someone so small (in the scheme of things).

Now when I look up and see all of the stars, I imagine how it will be when we are called to be with Him there. What will it feel like, how will it sound, what will I think, what will I say? The thoughts run through my mind like  a slide show of images, trying to capture the moments as they might happen.

The thought of coming face to face with the One who created me, who knew me before I even existed is just mind blowing. I was talking with Bradley last night about how it may feel when He looks in our eyes, knowing that He ‘knows’ us through and through. We, I imagine, will be able to feel Him seeing into the very deepest parts of us, our thoughts, feelings, etc. It is just all so powerful and wonderful, it amazes me to no end.

I wonder what others see when they look up at the night sky on a very clear night… if they live where they can see the stars. Some may think about ufo’s and aliens, or of space novas and asteroids, etc.. Hmm… I wonder. What do you think about when you look into the night sky? Please post your thoughts on this and your favorite childhood memory, in the comments section. I look forward to reading all of your thoughts.

Posted in Christian, Christian Life, Christianity, Comments, Diary, Dreams, Emotions, Faith, Fun, God, Happiness, Inspiration, Jesus, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Photography, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Science, Space, Stories, Uncategorized, universe, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Breaking The Mold

Posted by truthoughts on May 12, 2008

I never knew just how hard it would be, to give up a dream that was deep inside me. In the days of leanness, we must all sacrifice. Some more painful than others, not realizing the hold of past hopes and dreams, it is time to say good-bye. If you have read ‘About Me’ then you know about my loss of 5 babies. Over a period of 4 years, Bradley and I have lost 5 babies because I have a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. This means that I have like an allergic reaction to the hormone, which is produced by pregnancy. My doctors, who are considered ‘experts’ in this field, (though none of them really know much about it) had never seen a case as severe as mine. Anyway, each time it became worse, bringing me to the point of my own death, then I would miscarry. With each baby, Bradley and I, would allow ourselves to become whole-heartedly attached to this new life, only to be grieved by the loss of it, while suffering the trauma of my own physical condition.

Anyway, as we entered each pregnancy… we would accumulate nursery items: Crib, bedding, baby clothes, other furniture, etc. I have held on to these items, even after Bradley had a vasectomy, with the hopes that someday we would be able to have a baby somehow – through some means. Well, now times are tight and sacrifices must be made… so… I have to let these items go (sell them) and with them, an attachment to a dream, a hope, a desire. I know that many would say that just because I have to sell these items, it doesn’t mean that I can’t still have that hope and once obtained, purchase these items again… I understand that.

It is amazing how we attach emotions of life situations to items that symbolize those times. I still have a bear that I got in junior high, that every time I cried over the loss of a friend, the death of my cat, etc… I would cry into this bear. Because of this, I can’t seem to part with it. From the outside, I think to myself… how crazy to allow an attachment resembling pain and suffering, to hold on to that, yet in some twisted way, it is comforting. Maybe it is because I was a latchkey kid, meaning that my mom was never home because she had to work all the time and my dad didn’t live with us, so… my bear, my cat, etc. were my safe places, my comfort zones, my friends who would never leave me or judge me.

I feel like I have been putting off the inevitable by holding off on a garage sale. I am wondering though, if it would be better with some of the furniture items, to sell them on Ebay or Craig’s List to get more money for them. Bradley is waiting on a venture deal to come through, but as you probably know… waiting on attorneys to review, change, etc. paperwork, can take forever – and we have to eat. Things are tight now, but I know that somehow, though I am not sure when or how exactly, things will work out because the Bible says that [Romans 8:28] He makes all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. So, I put my trust and hope in Christ, knowing that, [Nahum 1:7] The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him. Also, [Psalm 34:17,19] The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

It is difficult for those who put their trust in the Lord while going through trials to strengthen their faith as they watch evildoers all around them prosper, but here is a verse for you: [Psalm 37:7] Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. I have to tell myself this because this is an area in which I too struggle. It is draining to ponder on this too long though. I try and remind myself that God is good, true and just… and in the end, He has the last word. If I just keep pushing forward in my relationship with Him and sharing Him and His Word with others, then I will be an over comer and receive the blessings He says that I will in the book of Revelation (letters to the 7 churches). One verse that gives me encouragement is [Isaiah 40:31] But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Anyway, you are probably starting to see how my brain works… I have my little pity party, then I remember some scripture, which gives me encouragement and so I move on… for at least 5 minutes or so… As the female brain tends to work, I think of so much all at once that I am bound to come back around to this topic again soon and have to go through the steps again. Eventually, I will immediately remind myself of the verses so I don’t have to go through the entire pity party because there are always many other things to occupy my thoughts that are just as time consuming and important to work through. I believe this to be the Holy Spirit as it says, [John 14:26] But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

So, as painful as it is, my mold must be broken, in order to open the door to what God has in store for me in Him. [2 Corinthians 5:17] Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. [Luke 9:62] And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. As I journey forward I will continue to look forward with faith like a child that the Lord is true to His Word and will perform it through to the end. [Philippians 1:6] Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. [Romans 8:18] For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

So, for now, this is where I will leave it…

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Finding Something In Nothing

Posted by truthoughts on May 9, 2008

Finding Something In Nothing

There are two days coming this weekend, which strike strong emotion in me because of what they represent. First is my 5-year wedding anniversary on Saturday. Yes, Bradley and I have been married for 5 years now… Some days seem like we have been together for ages past and others like we are just beginning. I suppose that is the way everyone feels at times. This is a happy occasion and I am very excited about how far we have come, however, a solemn one quickly follows this.

The second is mother’s day. For all of you who have read “About Me”, know that Bradley and I have lost 5 babies in the first 4 years of our marriage. The trauma that went along with those pregnancies and the losses that followed, leave scars rarely seen but forever deeply felt. During this holiday each year, numbness overcomes me so that the pain won’t over take me. There is no easy way around it… this weekend will be an emotional roller coaster.

So, we begin with attempting to celebrate our love and end with trying to ignore the struggles that strained us to the core. The loss of 5 babies has not been the only struggles that we have faced through the years; it’s just the only one that has a date of remembrance recognized by the world… not to mention the anniversaries of the losses and their proposed birthdays. On the good hand, our relationship has been strengthened and solidified though battered and bruised. I really do not know what I would do without Bradley, he is the love of my life, the best friend of my soul, the other half of my brain.

Bradley and I have spent almost every waking minute together since we were married and it never seems like enough. Some may look at it as a co-dependant relationship because they don’t understand it. Most people aren’t that close to their spouses, which is sad. It is more like at the beginning of a relationship, when you just can’t get enough of the other person… you want to be there to gaze at them and hear everything that they have to say. Our connection is so deep, that at times, we don’t even have to speak – we just know what the other is thinking/wanting/needing, etc. When you are truly with the person whom you are meant to be with, this is how it is.

I of course am not saying that we never disagree and spend any time apart, just very few times. We have learned how to communicate with each other in ways that it makes difficulties easier to work through – this has been a huge difference. When we do sometimes come to an impasse, we pray for the Lord to intervene… and He does. Normally when that happens, everything is cleared up within 10-30 minutes without hard feelings. So, in the nothingness that sadness brings, I will find the something, which is the strength of our relationship and the foundation that we have in our faith.

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