Truthoughts Today

Finding something in nothing…

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    • I Will Rest In You
      It has been a long time since I was able to post here and recently was encouraged to start posting again.  I will start by posting a video for those who are battle weary from the spiritual onslaught going on during these last days.  Be encouraged, replenished, and comforted… you are not alone. Advertisements
    • The Word as an Onion
        Too many merely accept the Word on the surface.  They pick and choose this verse or that and build their doctrine out of it.  One instance for example is that in regard to adultery.  God’s Word says that you should not commit adultery; wherefore, those who have not slept with someone outside of their […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone
      40 Days of Challenge Day 6 Positive Practices and the Danger Zone           Positive Practices   Philippians 2:14 (KJV) “Do all things without murmurings (grumbling) and disputings”   Have you ever found yourself making an effort to go out of your way for someone only to find that they respond without […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 5 Dare to be Different
      40 Days of Challenge Day 5 Dare to be Different   The Post-It Challenge Jeremiah 29:11 (KJV) “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil (calamity), to give you an expected end (a future and a hope).” Isaiah 55:11-12 (KJV) “So shall My […]
    • 40 Days of Challenge – Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness
      40 Days of Challenge Day 4 Self Control and Thoughtfulness   Self Control James 1:19-20 (KJV)  “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not (does not produce) the righteousness of God.” Many times in our human relationships, we find […]
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Archive for the ‘Ramblings’ Category

Hillarious Video

Posted by truthoughts on May 20, 2008

I came across this joke a little while back and it made me laugh soooo hard, so I wanted to share it here. The comedian is Anjelah Johnson and she captures it perfectly. For anyone who has ever gotten this done, this video will bring back memories. Enjoy!

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Posted in comedy, Comments, Culture, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Funny, Happiness, Humor, Journal, Life, Living, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Rants, Reflections, Relationships, Stories, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Coffee Memories With Friends

Posted by truthoughts on May 19, 2008

A cup of coffee and a chat with friends… this is what I miss the most. I am reminded of past friends and joys, by a fellow blogger that I read. So, I thought that I would write about that today.

I enjoyed nothing more than sitting with a close friend, drinking coffee and chatting about everything and nothing all at once. Growing up, through my teens and early twenties, I had some very close friends… the kind that you always knew what the other was thinking and could have conversations without words, just with a look – you would know.

Over the years, life has changed, through moving and growing in different paths, but the memories stayed behind, for comfort, for strength, for joyful thoughts.

There is something to be said about drinking caffeine in a free and inspiring attmosphere with eclectic music playing in the background. Sharing memories, sharing thoughts, laughing until you cry… these are the memories that I recall. These memories make me sigh.

One other enjoyment that we would have, is watching the people come and go. People watching: The art of studying the habitual rotation of the human spieces in the act of their behavior, while wondering if the person watching is the same.

I remember at times, laughing so hard at something that didn’t really make any sense, all were sure that someone was going to explode coffee through their nose. Ah, the memories…

Nowdays, the lines are longer, the prices are higher and the friends are fewer. Starbucks once was the place to go… in fact, it was the only place to go, but now, competition moves in and the enjoyment comes again. There is a little place that has just opened up in this area called Saxby’s Coffee. They, Saxby’s, are what Starbucks once was and hopes to be again, though unlikely to be obtained by Starbucks.

The coffee is great, the employees are extremely nice and their consistancy is unbeatable. I guess this is what happens when you start getting older, rationalization. When you are younger, you could drink muddy water as long as there was good music and friends around. Not so for me now.

Now, the rationale kicks in to say…”If I am going to pay x amount of money for this cup of coffee, it better be worth it”. Oh my, how times have changed.

So, now we have a Kiereg coffee maker, which is the best appliance in our home. It makes one cup of either, coffee, tea or hot chocolate, at a time. It pre-brews the water so it is ready at all times. You buy these little cuplettes of your favorite flavor (they come in all kinds), place it into the dispenser, push the button and whola, your drink is served. Then the best part is that to clean it, you just trow the cuplette away and prestow, it’s clean! I am in coffee heaven!

Oh, did I mention it is much cheaper than going to a coffee house??? I still get all of the flavors I want. Granted, you don’t get to people watch, unless it is through the window or on tv, but hey, it’s practically free.

So now, if I need to, I can have my coffee while listening to whatever music I like, then if I want to people watch, I can go to the mall or something… they can be just as entertaining there. The only thing left, is to figure out the friend part, since I now live so far out of town, it would be a road trip to visit…

So, for now, I will enjoy my coffee while listening to my music and reading the blogs that I love to read and thinking of the memories that once were and the memories that will be…

Posted in Black and White Photography, Christian Life, Comments, Culture, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Funny, Happiness, Humor, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Music, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Songs, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood…

Posted by truthoughts on May 18, 2008

Today is such a beautiful day that I just had to write about it. There is a nice breeze blowing in through the windows and the sun is shining, illuminating everything with it’s warm glow. The birds are singing and preparing their nests, while the cats are enjoying the view. I have some swing king music on, Chet Baker is playing right now… now it changed to Anita O’Day. Oh, what a perfect day!

I found this picture, trying to capture how this day makes me feel: Click here for Source picture

 This is the kind of day that makes me want to just go for a drive or walk in a park. There use to be this pond where I use to live that had ducks in it and birds all around… I would love to go there and feed them. On really nice days, you could normally find at least 5 – 10 families there feeding the ducks. It was always nice to see the small children having their first experience with an animal almost their size, being able to feed them right from their own hands.

Many times, I would share what bread I had, with them when they would run out – they would be so happy. It was a great place to take children that I was babysitting, they always loved it. We would always have a picnic there as well… ah, memories… Click here for Source picture

 You know, I am beginning to notice how visually focused I am. By writing my blogs, I seem to always want to add images to my posts. I think it breaks it up and gives some color to my writing. Also, as they say, a picture is worth a 1,000 words, right? Well, I hope that everyone is having a great day. I am going to enjoy the weather and allow it to be a peaceful day.

Posted in Christian, Christian Life, Comments, Culture, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Happiness, Inspiration, Journal, Landscape, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Music, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Photography, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Songs, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

What Is Your Favorite Childhood Memory???

Posted by truthoughts on May 17, 2008

My favorite childhood memory:

I had previously gone to a forum that had a thread topic of “What is your favorite childhood memory”… So, I replied about mine and I thought I would share that here as well.

When I was younger, I would love to go outside at night because it was so much more peaceful and quiet than in the day time when everyone is running about. There was a place that I would like to go and lay down flat so that I could look up at the sky and see all of the vast array of stars.

As I would lay there in silience, I would think about how big I thought the universe was and if it were that big, how big is heaven beyond it. At times, I would feel myself grasping at the grass blades because it would feel as though I could at any moment, just float off into this black openess.

I really enjoyed at times, being able to look out and see the dome shape of our atmosphere by the galaxy line. That would only happen on very clear nights though.

I would think also about how small it made me feel and how big God must be to have been able to create such a huge amount of things and spaces. It really made me ponder on the power of God and how incredibly greatful I was for Him to care so much about someone so small (in the scheme of things).

Now when I look up and see all of the stars, I imagine how it will be when we are called to be with Him there. What will it feel like, how will it sound, what will I think, what will I say? The thoughts run through my mind like  a slide show of images, trying to capture the moments as they might happen.

The thought of coming face to face with the One who created me, who knew me before I even existed is just mind blowing. I was talking with Bradley last night about how it may feel when He looks in our eyes, knowing that He ‘knows’ us through and through. We, I imagine, will be able to feel Him seeing into the very deepest parts of us, our thoughts, feelings, etc. It is just all so powerful and wonderful, it amazes me to no end.

I wonder what others see when they look up at the night sky on a very clear night… if they live where they can see the stars. Some may think about ufo’s and aliens, or of space novas and asteroids, etc.. Hmm… I wonder. What do you think about when you look into the night sky? Please post your thoughts on this and your favorite childhood memory, in the comments section. I look forward to reading all of your thoughts.

Posted in Christian, Christian Life, Christianity, Comments, Diary, Dreams, Emotions, Faith, Fun, God, Happiness, Inspiration, Jesus, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Photography, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Science, Space, Stories, Uncategorized, universe, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Who Sings That Song???

Posted by truthoughts on May 16, 2008

Who sings that song, I asked Bradley, franctically trying to search every outlet I could get my little fingers on…

I didn’t know who was the singer of the song below until tonight. I searched all around and came up with another song, which turns out to be one of my favorites now. Anyway, the song I was originally looking for was, “No One” by Alicia Keys.

So, as I said, I ended up finding a song that I really like called “Everythings Gonna Be Alright” by Jamie with Sweetbox. After hearing the two songs, you may be able to understand how I came across this one.

Anyway, I guess I am in a melancholy mood today. I wasn’t sure of what to post about today, so Bradly suggested that I listen to a song and post about that… Well, here it is. I am not sure if anyone will listen to them, I have the second song on my favorite music page, but here they are.

When I first started my search for a song, I came across this next song… I was amazed at the strength and control of her voice. This song is “Everything Or Nothing” by Lisa Lavie.

So, let me know what you think of these songs and their voices. I hope that they post well… I know I had trouble embedding multiple video clips before publishing, in the past… so, hopefully it will come out alright. Enjoy!

Posted in Comments, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Fun, Happiness, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Music, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Songs, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Oh What Will I Do?

Posted by truthoughts on May 15, 2008

Panic jolts through my entire body like an explosion of energy. I can’t bare the thought of being without it, yet I may not have a choice for awhile. Oh my, what will I do…?

Okay, you may be wondering, “What in the world are you talking about?” Well, about a year and a half ago, I began taking these supplements that are the most advanced form of cellular technology. I have never taken any kind before and sadly to say, my diet growing up was quite poor.  I mean, we are talking about Ramen Noodles, pizza, all kinds of pastas, etc. I was… and still am, a STARTCH FANATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention, I only drank soft drinks and VERY sweet tea. I couldn’t stand the blandness of water and flavored water turned my stomach. It is amazing that I wasn’t as big as a house, luckily, matabolism is good in my family… until you get pregnant anyway. My family doesn’t get fat, just fluffy.

Anyway, I know a lot of people think health nuts are crazy… but I have really noticed a difference from taking these supplements. I use to get so sick if someone sneezed or coughed across the store (as big as Wal-Mart) and if there was rain anywhere in the state, I would get allergies.

I tell you what though, after taking this for a few months… my niece could vomit on me and I wouldn’t get sick and allergies are a total thing of the past.

Well, I am right now, drinking the last of it. I won’t have the money to purchase any more for a few weeks… so I am freaking! I have gone without it before for a few weeks, and boy can I tell a difference! So, here I sit, hoping my body will utilize every soluable cellular bit that entered with each swallow. My thoughts, willing my body to hold on to it as long as possible as though starvation could kick in any moment. Right now, I envy the camel.

Posted in Christian Life, Comments, Diary, Emotions, Funny, Health, Health Food, Healthy Living, Humor, Journal, Life, Living, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Natural Health, Nutrition, Nutritional Supplements, Opinion, Personal, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Rants, Reflections, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Through the Eye of the Beholder

Posted by truthoughts on May 15, 2008

Looking into the eyes of someone else’s vision of the world causes a deep introspection and a trance of unparalleled focus. I am captivated more by black and white photographs because of the stillness of life that they portray. There is something to be said about the dream state that a b&w picture brings me to and the imagination it encourages. Here is an example: “Rose and Driftwood”

Photograph: By Ansel Adams 1932

 This photograph above, is one of my favorites of his. Quite a few years ago, a friend of mine found out that I loved black and white photographs, so he gave me a book, “Ansel Adams: Classic Images”. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t in a book so that I could put it in a frame. I know I could go out and purchase a copy, like a poster, but I haven’t. The following picture, is called “Trailer Camp Children”, it really moved me. It just makes you want to reach out and hold them.

Photograph: By Ansel Adams 1944

In a b&w photograph, expressions and emotions come through much deeper than in a color photo. Sometimes, I feel as though it is like capturing a ghost on film… you wouldn’t be aware you were capturing it until you developed it… and there it is.

Well, I tried to upload more pictures from my camera, but for some reason it is not allowing me to. Once I figure out what the problem is, I will upload them and post them. I would love for you to see some of the other pictures that I think are fascinating.

Posted in Ansel Adams, Black and White Photography, Comments, Culture, Diary, Emotions, Entertainment, Fun, Happiness, Inspiration, Journal, Landscape, Life, Living, love, Loving, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Photography, Pictures, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

My Perfect Day

Posted by truthoughts on May 14, 2008

My perfect day would begin by being woken up with breakfast in bed. I would be served eggs over medium, burnt to a crisp bacon, 2 pieces of strawberry jellied toast and a cup of coffee. On the tray would also be rose pettles sprinkeld around the plates and cup. This would be brought to me by my wonderful husband, Bradley, holding a red rose between his beautiful lips.

He would then turn on sweet, soft music that would stir emotions locked deep inside. He would sit by my side as I offer to share my perfectly made and displayed breakfast with him. We would talk of our dreams and of what a wonderful day it would be. He would proceed to tell me that he had already prepared the cats breakfast (we feed them a special breakfast every morning) and that once I was done and ready to go, that he had a special day planned.

Then, as soon as I would be ready, we would leave in a flash with the windows down on a peaceful, sunny day. The wind would whip through my hair as the radio played my favorite song. Immediately upon the song’s end, the DJ would come on and say that this song was dedicated to *me* by *my* beloved husband of 5 years who was going to give me the best day ever because he loves me so.

Bradley would then look over at me with the childlike smile he often carries as his eyes would twinkle in the reflection of light. I would feel consumed by a warm tingly feeling in the inner most parts of me and a deep appreciation for my soulmate.

Our first stop of the day, would be a shopping complex, where every store was unique like a downtown square. Bradley, knowing how much I love to just look at different things, would say that I could have whatever I wanted that day. This pleasing offer would make me giddy like an excited infant, ready to tackle everything before me.

I would find 2 or 3 treasurable items to remind me of this day, though, the day would not be over. Bradley would then take me for lunch, to a quaint little itallian restraunt, hidden to the world, where it feels like the guest is the center of attention. Everything would be perfect… the lighting, the music, the feel, the service and the food.

After lunch, we would proceed to a beachfront in the heat of the day, where the breeze from the ocean would be much appreciated. As we would walk, barefoot through white sands, we would run periodically through the waves that would collide against the shore.

Down the way a bit, would be a man selling bread to feed to the seaguls… so, we would purchase a loaf to see who could throw it the highest and who could get a bird to eat out of their hand. A boy would stand off to the side, holding a kite he was given by his father. Facinated by the intreague of the boy, we would sit and admire.

Then, as it came time for the sun to set, we would walk to a rocky hill.  Climbing up the hill, we would spot the perfect place to watch the sunset. Together we would sit, cuddled and warm while the feeling of stillness and freedom would sweep across our hearts. The magnificient colors portrayed in the sky would be breath taking.

Once the sun would be completely set, we would then go to a very high place (driving of course). There we would walk to a secluded spot in an open field and lay side by side. Looking up at the vast array of stars amidst the blackness of the universe, we would talk about random, out of the ordinary things. The feeling of how incredible everything was and how small we are would run through our thoughts as the impact of posibility toward the lack of gravity, would amaze us, as to how we could stay on the earth and not just float off into space.

After awhile, Bradley would lean over and share a poem that he wrote about me, about us, which would bring me to tears as it would bind our hearts even closer, which we never imagined was possible. Once the day would be done, we would go home and our closeness would be a memory that could not be beat by any poem, movie or dream allowed. This would be my perfect day.

Posted in Christian Life, Comments, Diary, Dreams, Emotions, Entertainment, Family, Friends, Fun, Happiness, Inspiration, Journal, Life, Living, love, Loving, Marriage, Memories, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, People, Personal, Philosophy, Poems, Poetry, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Relationships, Stories, Uncategorized, Writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Desiring An End From The Beginning

Posted by truthoughts on May 13, 2008

Ok, I am writing this very upset… Everyone knows how corrupt government can be and that people in government have a tendency to ‘personally’ attack others who are either more successful, more popular, etc. than they are. Not all, but it seems that most government officials practice corruption in some way or another. Well, I am experiencing some of that first hand. There is a lady who about 90% of the town doesn’t like because of her brassy personality and some shady-manipulative things that she has done to others, and she has decided to spread lies about me because I choose not to associate myself with her. She calls my house, comes to my home and text messages my husband on a regular basis multiple amounts each time. I do not talk about her in pubic… I try not to talk to her as well. It seems like I just can’t get her to leave me alone. I have politely told her that I am not interested in having a friendship, while staying cordial in public. However, she still will not leave either me or my husband alone.

Well, she called again today and this time my husband answered the phone. He tried to politely explain that we did not want to pursue a relationship with her and explained why (there are specific reasons to point out to her), so she proceeded to lie and accuse me of spreading rumors about her. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am very shy and do not really talk to people much, it is mostly my husband who is the talker and I add a word or two hear and there… My thing is mostly email. That is why I began a blog. Anyway, her accusations would not hold up with anyone who has ever met me and she knows this, so she was just saying it to get under our skin… well, it did.

When she continued repeatedly to say these things to Bradley about me I took the phone and asked her to stop calling us, stop coming by our home, stop text messaging us, etc. I told her that we did not want a relationship with her and that she was lying and needed to stop. She kept trying to interrupt me, but I thought I got my point across so I hung up. She called back immediately and left a message threatening me about rumors that I need to not say anything bad about her (probably because she is worried that someone might find out that we called her out of what all she has done). We don’t want to talk about her, see her, talk to her, etc. The bummer is though, she lives on our street. We purposely go the other way to come and go on our street just to avoid her. This is the time like I was talking about before, where I need to keep reminding myself of that verse: [Psalm 37:7] Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. For that matter, lets look at the entire book of chapter 37. I will separate the chapter in paragraphs to make it easier to read:

Psalm 37

A Psalm of David. Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and he shall bring it to pass. And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth. For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be. But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. The Lord shall laugh at him: for He seeth that his day is coming. The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation. Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken. A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked. For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the Lord upholdeth the righteous.

The Lord knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever. They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied. But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away. The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth. For such as be blessed of Him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed. Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not His saints; they are perserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off. The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever. The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment. The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him. The Lord will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged. Wait on the Lord, and keep His way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree. Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found. Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace. But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off. Buth the salvationof the righteous is of the Lord: He is their strength in the time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him.

This chapter brings some comfort in the midst of the moment. Everyone has to go through stages of emotions when dealing with situations like this. Obviously, anger is the first emotion. Once that subsides, then possibly pity kicks in for the other person… at that point, you may be able to bring yourself to pray for them, with the help of God. Hopefully, at that point, you will be able to actively forgive them and move on… though most people like this tend to repeatedly cause the offense and you find yourself continually having to work through the same emotions on a regular basis… but as they say, what doesn’t kill you (hopefully) makes you stronger. I will not lash out, I will pray. I will not be consumed by this, I will be filled with the Word of God. I will not hold on to this, I will let it go to God. I can only pray for His help right now, but I know that He is faithful to follow-through where I am weak. His will be done.

Posted in Bible, Christian, Christianity, Comments, Diary, Emotions, Faith, God, Inspiration, Jesus, Journal, Life, Miscellaneous, Musing, Musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Ramblings, Random, Random Thoughts, Rants, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Breaking The Mold

Posted by truthoughts on May 12, 2008

I never knew just how hard it would be, to give up a dream that was deep inside me. In the days of leanness, we must all sacrifice. Some more painful than others, not realizing the hold of past hopes and dreams, it is time to say good-bye. If you have read ‘About Me’ then you know about my loss of 5 babies. Over a period of 4 years, Bradley and I have lost 5 babies because I have a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. This means that I have like an allergic reaction to the hormone, which is produced by pregnancy. My doctors, who are considered ‘experts’ in this field, (though none of them really know much about it) had never seen a case as severe as mine. Anyway, each time it became worse, bringing me to the point of my own death, then I would miscarry. With each baby, Bradley and I, would allow ourselves to become whole-heartedly attached to this new life, only to be grieved by the loss of it, while suffering the trauma of my own physical condition.

Anyway, as we entered each pregnancy… we would accumulate nursery items: Crib, bedding, baby clothes, other furniture, etc. I have held on to these items, even after Bradley had a vasectomy, with the hopes that someday we would be able to have a baby somehow – through some means. Well, now times are tight and sacrifices must be made… so… I have to let these items go (sell them) and with them, an attachment to a dream, a hope, a desire. I know that many would say that just because I have to sell these items, it doesn’t mean that I can’t still have that hope and once obtained, purchase these items again… I understand that.

It is amazing how we attach emotions of life situations to items that symbolize those times. I still have a bear that I got in junior high, that every time I cried over the loss of a friend, the death of my cat, etc… I would cry into this bear. Because of this, I can’t seem to part with it. From the outside, I think to myself… how crazy to allow an attachment resembling pain and suffering, to hold on to that, yet in some twisted way, it is comforting. Maybe it is because I was a latchkey kid, meaning that my mom was never home because she had to work all the time and my dad didn’t live with us, so… my bear, my cat, etc. were my safe places, my comfort zones, my friends who would never leave me or judge me.

I feel like I have been putting off the inevitable by holding off on a garage sale. I am wondering though, if it would be better with some of the furniture items, to sell them on Ebay or Craig’s List to get more money for them. Bradley is waiting on a venture deal to come through, but as you probably know… waiting on attorneys to review, change, etc. paperwork, can take forever – and we have to eat. Things are tight now, but I know that somehow, though I am not sure when or how exactly, things will work out because the Bible says that [Romans 8:28] He makes all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. So, I put my trust and hope in Christ, knowing that, [Nahum 1:7] The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him. Also, [Psalm 34:17,19] The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

It is difficult for those who put their trust in the Lord while going through trials to strengthen their faith as they watch evildoers all around them prosper, but here is a verse for you: [Psalm 37:7] Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. I have to tell myself this because this is an area in which I too struggle. It is draining to ponder on this too long though. I try and remind myself that God is good, true and just… and in the end, He has the last word. If I just keep pushing forward in my relationship with Him and sharing Him and His Word with others, then I will be an over comer and receive the blessings He says that I will in the book of Revelation (letters to the 7 churches). One verse that gives me encouragement is [Isaiah 40:31] But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Anyway, you are probably starting to see how my brain works… I have my little pity party, then I remember some scripture, which gives me encouragement and so I move on… for at least 5 minutes or so… As the female brain tends to work, I think of so much all at once that I am bound to come back around to this topic again soon and have to go through the steps again. Eventually, I will immediately remind myself of the verses so I don’t have to go through the entire pity party because there are always many other things to occupy my thoughts that are just as time consuming and important to work through. I believe this to be the Holy Spirit as it says, [John 14:26] But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

So, as painful as it is, my mold must be broken, in order to open the door to what God has in store for me in Him. [2 Corinthians 5:17] Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. [Luke 9:62] And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. As I journey forward I will continue to look forward with faith like a child that the Lord is true to His Word and will perform it through to the end. [Philippians 1:6] Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. [Romans 8:18] For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

So, for now, this is where I will leave it…

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